Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Land of the Minotaur (1976)




Director: Kostas Karagiannis

Starring: Donald Pleasence, Peter Cushing, Luan Peters

Run Time: 1:28

Rant: Donald Pleasence! Peter Cushing! Sign me up! You put Dr. Loomis and Grand Moff Tarkin in a movie together and it has to be great, right?!!! They're horror icons!!!

I have this peice of shit on like 11 different DVD collections. Figured I'd finally put it in and see how fucking terrible it is. This feels like a 50s or 60s horror movie. You think about some stuff that came before it: A Clockwork Orange, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Black Christmas, Last House on the Left, The Exorcist. Some hardcore shit happened in those movies. There's no payoff in this one. Nothing scary, no blood, no jump moments, no nudity. I'm sure the filmmakers knew they wouldn't make any money on this garbage. Why not go all out? Cut a dick off? Stick a broom stick up some bitch's ass? That's what I'd do. Not this shit. Who was this made for? As much as the director loves to show off these girl's legs, there isn't a nude scene. Why?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Plasterhead (2006)


"Starring": Kathryn Merry, Josh Macuga, and Ernest Dancy

Homicidal Maniac: Brian Dixon (as Plasterhead)

Run Time: 1:33:27
Quick Synopsis: Four friends on a trip to Miami make an unexpected stop in West Virginia after finding a bag with several hundred dollars.  While looking for the owner, they stop in the town of Rolling Glen and find out that the place has a deadly secret.

Review: It was time to go back to our bread and butter: shitty low budget slashers from the 2000s.  Plasterhead definitely fits the bill.  It follows the typical path of all these stupid films.  First there is the introduction of the killer where they show him kill some irrelevant hack of an actor.  Then the intro to the characters, where we all see how big of a treat we have on our hands.  These guys do not disappoint.  Their introduction occurs in the form of a car ride.  One by one each character says something to give the audience a peek into how deep they are and one by one the audience realizes that they don't care if that actor is killed immediately.  Luckily, for the viewers, this movie falls into

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Sisters (1973)




Director: Brian De Palma

Starring: Margot Kidder, Jennifer Salt, Charles Durning

Run Time: 1:33

Rant: I believe this is De Palma's first thriller. Before this was wacky comedies I've only seen bits and pieces of. Not sure if there's any Hitchcock in those films but it's all up in this bitch. It's no secret and nothing anyone else hasn't said. I'm a big fan of homages or "ripping off," as long as it's done well, and De Palma is definitely one of the best directors ever.


Saturday, October 27, 2012

Ichi the Killer (2001)



Director; Takashi Miike

Starring: Tadanobu Asano, Nao Ohmori, Shin'ya Tsukamoto

Run Time: 2:06

Rant: I've never seen a more immoral movie in my life and it's fucking glorious. On one hand we have Kikihara: A viscous yakuza badass who enjoys pain. One the other hand we have Ichi: an even more viscous man-child who's really good at killing, but cries all the time and gets random boners. Kikihara gets to the point where he's looking forward to meeting Ichi because of how hardcore he is at killing. He doesn't want Ichi to let him down.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)



"Starring": Bill Oberst Jr., Jason Vail, Baby Norman

Monsters: Zombies

Run Time: 1:36:04
Quick Synopsis: Soon after the battle of Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln learns of a failed mission that would have led to the end of the Civil War.  When he decides to take a group of secret agents to complete the mission, he learns that an evil epidemic from his past may have returned.

Review: Everything you know about Abraham Lincoln is a LIE.  His mother didn't die of milk sickness and his father did not live to the age of 73.  It is all a damn conspiracy; his mother had become a zombie and his father killed himself because he couldn't live with this fact. All this would lead to making of one of the worst zombie movies I have ever seen.  Did you know that Lincoln's first true love was a whore named Mary Owens? Or that Mary Owens would take in a young orphan boy named Teddy Roosevelt? Or that they would be reunited near a Confederate fort infested with

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Trailer Park of Terror (2008)




Director: Steven Goldmann


Starring: Nichole Hilz, Lew Temple, Jeanette Brox

Run Time: 1:31

Rant: This movie is more about the story and the characters than the zombies and gore. Problem is, the story and the characters are awful.

Almost 50 minutes in. No zombies. This shithole takes forever. She lives in a trailer park. The people there are abusive and they kill her boyfriend. She ends up making a deal with the devil and he gives her a gun. What kind of bullshit is that? So she kills everyone and herself and now she and the other trailer park idiots come back as zombies to terrorize this priest and these troubled kids he's taking on a trip. What the fuck kind of shit idea is that?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Leprechaun in da Hood (2000)



"Starring": Ice-T, Anthony Montgomery, Rashaan Nall

Homicidal Maniac: Warwick Davis (as the Leprechaun)

Run Time: 1:30:21
Quick Synopsis:  While attempting to rob Mack Daddy, three young rappers accidentally free the Leprechaun.  Now he seeks both revenge and the return of his gold.

Review: "Lep in da hood, come to do no good." That's one of the tag lines for this movie.  "Lep in da hood...come to do no good." Well at least the writers told us up front that this movie was going to be awful.  Let's not kid ourselves though, anyone who sees the title of this movie and expects oscar-worthy material to come out of it is an idiot.  Its supposed to make the audience laugh at the "hilarious" lines and the crazy life in the hood.  Too bad it is directed/written by mostly white guys and the lead character is the least convincing young rapper from the hood I have ever seen.  Then you

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Rubber (2010)



"Starring": Stephen Spinella, Roxane Mesquida, and Jack Plotnick

Homicidal Maniac: A Tire (Why? No reason.)

Run Time: 1:22:24
Quick Synopsis:  A small audience watches as a killer tire begins his path as destruction through the desert. 

Review:  Without a doubt, half of the people that watch this movie will turn it off before the twenty minute mark.  However, anyone that is able to gut it out and continue to watch will find that there is a good chance that they will enjoy the film.  The main theme of the story is the idea that many aspects of film and life happen for no reason.  I personally am not going to get into whether or not they get their message across, or even answer whether or not they truly wanted to get the message across.  I am just going to speak about the actual movie for most of the review.  First off since this is supposed

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Night of the Lepus (1972)


Director: William F. Claxton

Starring: Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun

Runtime: 1:28

Rant: The original title was "Rabbits." It's about killer bunnies. MGM says they changed the name of the movie and removed all rabbits from promos and stuff like that to keep the monsters of the movie a secret. We all know why they really did it. They were ashamed... as they should be.

They're fucking adorable. You should never have the urge to give a monster in a monster movie a hug. Why would anyone think this would be scary? They make little whimpering noises. Would be different if they roared or something but we're talking about bunny rabbits here! They say "They're as big as wolves!" Why didn't you make a mutant wolf movie then?! Fuck!!! I hate whoever came up

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Basement Jack (2009)


"Starring": Michele Morrow, Sam Skoryna, Lynn Lowry

Homicidal Maniac: Eric Peter-Kaiser (as Jack Riley)

Run Time: 1:32:56
Quick Synopsis:  After coming home to find her entire family slaughtered, Karen Cook is nearly killed by Jack Riley.  Eleven years later, Basement Jack has been released from a mental institution and has begun killing again.

Review:  Honestly, there aren't too many bad things that I can say about the movie.  The acting is very passable, the kill scenes are well done, and it has a decent slasher feel to it.  In no way am I saying this movie is classic, but compared to the recent garbage that I have reviewed it was a pleasant surprise.  Eric Peter-Kaiser does real good job as the homicidal maniac, in my opinion.  No one is going to confuse him with Michael Myers (circa 1978 not 2007-2009, fuck you Rob Zombie and your awful remake), but it wouldn't  be impossible to think Basement Jack may bring a little fear into some

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Wizard of Gore (1970)






Director: Herschell Gordon Lewis


Starring: Ray Sager, Judy Cler, Wayne Ratay

Run Time: 1:35

Rant: What's with horror icons coming from Pittsburgh? Herschell Gordon Lewis, Tom Savini, George Romero, Fred Rogers. There's almost too many to count.

Alright, so there's a stupid magician with a horrible moustache. I don't know what's going on in this movie. He saws the bitch in half, then she's just fine? The crowd doesn't even seem to realize she was sawed in half. They just watch like dullards as he's playing with her guts and stuff, then she walks away with no blood or anything. A scene later she's at a diner all sawed in half. What the fuck is going on?! I guess he has mind control over everyone. Every time he's about to control their minds they zoom into his stupid eyebrows.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Hillside Cannibals (2006)


"Starring":  Heather Conforto, Tom Nagel, Louis Graham

Homicidal Maniac: Cannibalistic Family

Run Time: 1:22:53
Quick Synopsis: Five teens go camping in the woods.  They soon find out that there is a crazy, inbred family.

Review:  Boy did the filmmakers of this movie have some balls.  Not only do they make an awful rip-off of the The Hills Have Eyes, they actually state that this is the true story that The Hills Have Eyes is based off of.  Really, this is a true story; if so, my whole outlook on the world has just changed.  Apparently, somewhere in the United States, there are people who live in the woods, that are cannibals, that communicate through grunts, know a little English, allow a small town sheriff to hang out with them, and appear to be a combination of cavemen and Native Americans.  That's sounds like it could happen.  This movie is as B as it gets.  At one point during the end of the movie, you can

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)




Director: James D.R. Hickox

Starring:
Daniel Cerny, Ron Melendez, Jim Metzler

Run Time: 1:32

Rant: This movie's boring as shit. Killer children movies are a lot like killer doll movies. You just want to hit the fucker in the face with a hammer and end the movie right there, but you can't.

It's like Chridren of the Corn in the Hood. Two kids are adopted by an inner city husband and wife. The beginning reminds me of Child's Play 2. The rest of the movie reminds me of taking a really boring shit. There's interesting moments but nothing we haven't seen before. The smaller kid Eli starts a religious cult with all the kids at school and all kinds of stuff happens. Nothing really good.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Vampire Bats (2005)


"Starring" Lucy Lawless, Dylan Neal, Liam Waite

Monsters: Bats

Quick Synopsis:  After a college student is found dead with his blood drained, Professor Maddy Rierdon and her students try to find an answer.  They soon find out that their town has been overrun by mutated vampire bats.

Review:  As soon as this movie starts, you know its going to be bad.  For some reason, someone involved in the making of the movie thought it was necessary to start the movie with the camera upside down.  Nothing special happens and then it is flipped right side up.  Things like really annoy the shit out of me; you will never see a good movie that pulls some stupid shit like that.  This movie in no way is an exception to that rule.  The acting is not too bad (excluding some of the minor

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Street Trash (1987)



Director: Jim Muro

Starring: Mike Lackey, Bill Chepil, Vic Noto

Runtime: 1:31

Rant: This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while. It's so offensive I can't help but love it. It's a comedy/horror and it's really worth watching.

So this liquor store owner named Ed finds a case of this shit called "Viper" in his basement. I don't know if it's supposed to be booze or what but if you drink it it makes you melt. He starts selling it to these hobos and they start melting and a tough guy cop has to get to the bottom of it. It's not even really about the Viper stuff though, it's more about the characters getting into shenanigans.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Savage Island (2005)


"Starring":  Kristina Copeland, Steven Man, Mathew Turner

Homicidal Maniacs: The Savage Family

Run Time: 1:23:54
Quick Synopsis:  A married couple travels to Savage Island to spend some time with their family.  After a car accident kills a young child, the child's family seeks revenge.

Review:  I am really not sure what to take from this story honestly.  If someone told me they loved the film, I might understand their opinion, but personally I have to lean in a more negative direction.  The movie was shot on digital video rather than film and I personally think it is a mistake.  Although it does add to the tone of the movie, it is just too poor to overlook at other points.  There are many times that picture quality is horrendous.  Some may argue that it was intentional to make the viewer

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dolly Dearest (1992)



Director: Maria Lease

Starring: Denise Crosby, Sam Bottoms, Rip Torn

Run Time: 1:33

Rant: I love killer doll movies. Don't know why. Maybe I have some kinda sick fetish. I remember watching Child's Play and saying "If that doll tried to kill me I would pick it up and fuck it right in the mouth."

Right off the bat I really liked the music in the opening credits. Quickly noticed it was done by Mark Snow, the guy who did the X-Files and Millennium music. Those are probably the two best opening credits of any TV show ever.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Are You Scared? (2006)


"Starring": Alethea Kutscher, Erin Consalvi, Brad Ashten

Homicidal Maniac: Brent Fidler (as Shadow Man)

Run Time: 1:19:09
Quick Synopsis: Six people who applied for the reality show "Are You Scared?" wake up within a manufacturing plant without any memory of how they got there. They now must find a way out before they are killed.

Review: This movie is horrendous.  I honestly could not state a single redeeming quality that this movie holds.  The best thing that I can say about the film is that it is only 79 minutes long.  Overall the acting is pathetic and not a single character is likeable. Every scene involving the detectives is so bad that I can't even enjoy it.  Outside of a the final kill, the effects are even more repulsive than the acting.  My favorite part about the killer is the fact the burns he has on is face continuously change places and severity.  The first half of the movie the burns are on the left side of his face and below his chin.  By the end, it completely covers his entire face; it is quite obvious the idea of continuity never

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day (1980)



Director: Charles Kaufman

Starring: Tiana Pierce, Nancy Hendrickson, Deborah Luce

Run Time: 1:30

Rant: What a wonderful movie to watch with your mother. This is one of of those shock value rape and revenge type of awful horror movies. I've never been a big fan of those but I figure I might as well be thankful my mother isn't a lunatic that enjoys watching my brother and I rape women.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Jack Frost (1997)



"Starring": Christopher Allport, Stephen Mendel, F. William Parker

Homicidal Maniac:  Scott MacDonald (as Jack Frost)

Run Time: 1:29:11
Quick Synopsis: After a serial killer is caught by a small town sheriff, Jack Frost is sentenced to death.  However, during a car accident on the way to the electric chair, Frost is turned into a immortal snowman.  Now he plans on seeking the revenge that he promised he would get on the sheriff's town.

Review:  There aren't too many movies like the Christmas Classic.  I just would have loved to have been around when the writers pitched their idea to a production company. 
Okay so here's the opening seen, sir: Two guards are taking a serial killer to be executed late at night during a snow storm.  At the same time a truck driver is trying to deliver a new chemical that will be used to preserve a person's DNA.  Problem is they wreck into each other and there is an explosion.  Before the serial killer can escape he is hit by the chemical (which is acidic) and appears to die. But here's the catch, he's not really dead, now his DNA is within the snow and he can turn himself into a killer snowman.
Yea, a killer snowman. 

Friday, May 11, 2012

See No Evil (2006)





Director: Gregory Dark
Starring: Glenn Jacobs, Christina Vidal, Michael J. Pagan

Run Time: 1:24

Rant: WWE Films. Yeah. No expectations what so ever. I think this was their first movie. Should have been the last. Let's be honest, wrestlers can't act. No, not even The Rock. On paper Kane makes the most sense. He's basically a masked Michael Myers type of bad guy in wrestling, right? It would make sense for him to be in a slasher. He'd probably be the best fit of all of them. Problem is, he isn't wearing a mask. His face isn't scary at all. He just looks like a big dumb cunt with no eyebrows. If Jason didn't have a hockey mask or a burlap sack over his face and just had the retard face with the Neil Young hair, he probably wouldn't have caught on as well.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Rant: The Burning (1981)



"Starring": Bryan Matthews, Leah Ayres, Bryan Backer

Homicidal Maniac: Lou David (as Cropsy)

Run Time: 1:31:28
Quick Synopsis:  After a prank at Camp Blackfoot goes wrong, Camp Owner Cropsy is caught on fire by his campers.  Before disappearing into the water, Cropsy swears his revenge on the parties involved.  Several years later, it appears that Cropsy has finally returned.

Rant:  This is by far the most disappointing slashers that I have ever seen.  While watching this film, I saw a ton of potential, but absolutely nothing came out of it.  As I'm watching I just kept thinking wow after they get through the character building stages of the movie this is going to be a lot of fun.  Then I look down at the run time of the movie and see that I am fifty minutes in and all I have gotten is a couple classic 80's slasher style nude scenes and a dead hooker.  Where the hell is the beef?  You have Tom fucking Savini working for you and fifty minutes in there is only one kill to be found. Why? You have about 20 characters that fit the role of the typical 80's slasher victim and all I get is one dead hooker.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Alligator (1980)



Director: Lewis Teague

Starring: Robert Forster, Robin Riker, Michael V. Gazzo

Runtime: 1:31

Rant: Let's face it. "Alligator" is a terrible name for a movie. It's about an alligator, what do we call it? I got it! Alligator! That's like naming a movie about a taxi driver...
I expected complete and utter reptile piss from the getgo. Something like a Syfy original movie. It has a terrible title and it's an obvious Jaws rip off. Call me crazy but... this movie is good. I'm surprised it's not more well known.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Review: 100 Tears (2007)




"Starring": Joe Davison, Georgia Chris, Raine Brown

Homicidal Maniac: Jack Amos (as Gurdy the Clown)

Run Time: 1:31:22
Quick Synopsis: Two tabloid journalist looking for a story begin to research the Tear Drop Killer.  As they continue investigating their story they find out themselves in danger of becoming Gurdy the Clown's next victims.

Review: Well this was a whole lot of fun.  The fact that I had it took me five years to find out about this movie is almost criminal.  By know means is this perfect, but it sure is the most entertaining movie that I have reviewed so far.  If I could describe the first fifteen minutes of this movie in three words it would be "Equal Opportunity Murder."  I don't think I have ever used this description before but think that it fits perfectly. Black Guy: Check. White Guy: Check. Latino: Check. Handicapped:

Monday, May 7, 2012

Review: Nine Dead (2010)


"Starring": Melissa Joan Hart, William Lee Scott, James Victor

Homicidal Maniac: John Terry (as Shooter)

Run Time: 1:26:28
Quick Synopsis: After nine people are kidnapped, a masked man tells them they will be killed one by one if they cannot figure out why they have been brought together.

Review:  Everything about this movie can be summed up in one word: average.  There is no single aspect of this movie that stands out, but there is also no aspect that ruins the film either.  The cast does a decent job of entertaining the viewer without any breakthrough performance that would put a movie like this over the top.  The plot is also average, but there are too many aspects that are just a

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Zombie Holocaust (1980)


Director:

Starring: Ian McCulloch, Alexandra Delli Colli, Sherry Buchanan

Run Time: 1:20


Rant: This movie is out of control. They really shoot for the goddamn stars. Fuck getting the first down, they're going for a touchdown on every play. Even in the scenes without zombies they find some reason to rip something apart. They just don't give a shit about anything.


The sound effects are pure shit. This is an italian made movie, but sometimes it looks like they're actually saying the words in English. I can't get it straight. It's definitely dubbed but I can't tell if the actors are speaking English or Italian.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Review: Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)


"Starring": Jada Pinkett, William Sadler, Brenda Bakke

Homicidal Maniac: Billy Zane (as the Collector)

Run Time: 1:32:16
Quick Synopsis: A man who must protect a secret key that could lead to the end of the world finds himself locked inside of a motel with seven other people.  With their help, he must fight off the demon coming to retrieve the key.

Review:  This is by far the best movie that we have reviewed for the site (to this point, I am sure this will become outdated).  Honestly, I am worried that it may be too well-known (and good) for Awful Horror Movies.  The plot is your basic "demon trying to take over the world" story but it still has enough originality to entertain the audience.  The acting was pretty well done with many actors who

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Thankskilling (2009)


Director: Jordan Downey

Starring: Lance Predmore, Lindsey Anderson, Ryan Francis

Rant: This is another shits and giggles movie no one's supposed to take seriously. Why should they? It's a killer turkey that talks. So 5 dummies take are taking a road trip during Thanksgiving break. There's the fat guy, the jock, the nerd, the slutty girl and the annoying nice girl that adds nothing.

WHO WROTE THIS? IT'S TERRIBLE!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Review: Carver (2008)



"Starring": Ursula Taherian, Matt Carmody, Neil Kubath

Homicidal Maniac:  Erik Fones and David G. Holland (as Bobby Shaw Carver and Billy Hall Carver)

Run time: 1:36:03
Quick Synopsis:  Five people camping in the backwoods of West Virginia soon find themselves part of horror/snuff film directed by homicidal maniacs.

Review: I watched Carver for the first time while preparing for this review and I have to say I came away presently surprised.  The first thing that the viewer will notice while watching the movie is the poor video quality.  Because of this fact, there was no way I could not expect this movie to fall into the same category as The Butcher or even worse Mr. Jingles.  However, after watching the film I am glad to say that my assumption was completely wrong.  This was one of the best low budget horror

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Prom Night (1980)





Director: Paul Lynch


Starring: Leslie Nielsen, Jaime Lee Curtis, Casey Stevens

Run Time: 1:32


Review: You know a movie's gonna be great when the first scene is a 10 year old girl falling out of a window to her death. They're playing "Killer" in an abandoned building and they all huddle around her yelling "Kill!" Eventually she falls backwards and there she goes! I was surprised they showed it happen. Instead of getting help, the horribly acted children all make a pact that they'll never tell anyone what happened.

Monday, April 30, 2012

The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot (1958)



Director: Rafael Portillo

Starring: Ramon Gay, Rosa Arenas, Crox Alvarado

Runtime: 1:05

Rant: The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot... The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot. Please do me a favor and say that out loud. Go ahead: "The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot." What the fuck kind of title is that? An awful one. An even more awful horror movie.

Review: Trick 'r Treat (2007)



"Starring": Anna Paquin, Brian Cox, Dylan Baker

Homicidal Maniac: Too Many to Count

Run Time: 1:22:20
Quick Synopsis: Several short horror stories set on Halloween Night that all intertwine in some way.

Review: The enjoyment you will get out of this film really depends on the type of horror fan that you are.  If you like movies that have good plots and flow then you may want to skip Trick 'r Treat all together.  However, if you enjoy movies with entertaining kill scenes with a lot of variety, it may be worth your time to watch the film.  If your a fan of zombies, werewolves, vampires, or just plain

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Evil Bong II: King Bong (2009)



Director: Charles Band

Starring: John Patrick Jordan, Amy Paffrath, Sonny Carl Davis
Run Time: 1:20


Review: I love Full Moon Features. Usually what director/producer Charles Band is involved in has some worth, even if it's only a little. He directed and helped come up with the story for this one.

Let's be honest here... this movie was made for shits and giggles. It's a straight up comedy/horror and those are usually lots of fun with lame humor, tons of nudity and hopefully a lot of gore. I haven't seen the first Evil Bong in a long time so it'll be easy to review this as a stand alone movie, and not compare it to the first.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Cut Throat (2002)





Director: Keith Walley

Starring: Luciano Saber, Kate Norby, J. Robin Miller

Run Time: 1:30

Review: I actually somewhat respect the filmmakers for flat out telling you this movie is a rip-off of Scream. Though, not enough to call this piece of shit anything other than an awful horror movie.

The first scene is basically the first scene of Scream but like most imitations done extremely poor. It actually wasn't that bad until you get yourself a little twist. Someone shouts "Cut!" and you realize the first scene was only a movie. That's when things start to slide down the shit hill fast. The acting in the movie inside the movie is actually better than the acting in the movie itself. These are some of the most annoying characters I've ever seen.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Review: Eaten Alive (1977)



"Starring": Marilyn Burns, Mel Ferrer, Carolyn Jones

Homicidal Maniac: Neville Brand (as Judd)

Run Time: 1:30:51
Quick Synopsis: Soon after their dog is eaten by a crocodile outside of the Starlight Motel, Roy and Faye realize that the crocodile may not be their only problem.  The motel owner Judd is a scythe-wielding homicidal maniac.

Review:  How can you not love a movie where the maniac's main weapon of choice is a scythe?  While this is no horror classic, Eaten Alive does justice to the horror genre.  Let's be honest, this was done by some real pros.   The film is directed by Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and stars Marilyn Burns coming off her role in Hooper's classic.  With those two and other 70's Horror stars like Janus Blythe you cannot help but get excited about its potential.  Include in the fact that music

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Review: The Butcher (2006)



"Starring": Myiea Coy, Tom Nagel, Catherine Wrefred

Homicidal Maniac: Bill Jacobson (as Franklin Mayhew)

Run Time: 1:24:02
Quick Synopsis: After a car accident that kills one of their friends, five college students find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere.  After they come upon a farmhouse that appears to be abandoned, they soon learn that they may all be in danger.

Review:  Have you ever wondered what rich college kids do during summer vacation?  Apparently the answer is make awful horror movies.  This is the type of movie that this blog was made for.  It has everything that fans of awful horror movies want: bad plot, worse acting, and horrible effects.  As expected from a movie of this caliber, the only think worse than the twist ending, is the presentation

Mr. Jingles (2006)

Director: Tommy Brunswick

Starring: Kelli Jenson, Jessica Hall, Nathaniel Ketchum

Run Time: 1:21

Review: Woah, boy. Where do I start with this hunk of shit? They couldn't have been serious when they made this movie. This has to be some kind of lame inside joke. It's really hard to review because you can comment on everything. Everything is bad. There are no positives other than it's funny because of how bad it is, but sometimes it's not even funny. It's just depressing. Every time I watch this (yes, I've seen it more than once) it gets worse, but for some reason I keep coming back. I can't beleive it exists. I can't beleive I own it.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Review: Hatchet (2007)




"Starring:" Joel David Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond

Homicidal Maniac: Kane Hodder (as Victor Crowley/ Mr. Crowley

Run Time: 1:24:11
Quick Synopsis: Years after the deformed Victor Crawley was accidentally killed by his father, a group of Haunted Boat Tourists find themselves lost in the swamps of Louisiana where it appears Crawley is back.

Review: Hatchet starring Tamara Feldman and Joel David Moore (coming off his riveting role in Dodgeball) was supposed to turn Victor Crowley into the next horror icon and bring back the "old school American horror" genre.  While no one will be calling Victor Crowley a legend anytime soon, Hatchet does give a valiant effort in bringing back the classic American slasher.  It has all of the parts necessary to make a classic slasher: the unstoppable killer with an awful back-story, the young