Monday, April 30, 2012

The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot (1958)

Director: Rafael Portillo

Starring: Ramon Gay, Rosa Arenas, Crox Alvarado

Runtime: 1:05

Rant: The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot... The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot. Please do me a favor and say that out loud. Go ahead: "The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot." What the fuck kind of title is that? An awful one. An even more awful horror movie.

Review: Trick 'r Treat (2007)

"Starring": Anna Paquin, Brian Cox, Dylan Baker

Homicidal Maniac: Too Many to Count

Run Time: 1:22:20
Quick Synopsis: Several short horror stories set on Halloween Night that all intertwine in some way.

Review: The enjoyment you will get out of this film really depends on the type of horror fan that you are.  If you like movies that have good plots and flow then you may want to skip Trick 'r Treat all together.  However, if you enjoy movies with entertaining kill scenes with a lot of variety, it may be worth your time to watch the film.  If your a fan of zombies, werewolves, vampires, or just plain

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Evil Bong II: King Bong (2009)

Director: Charles Band

Starring: John Patrick Jordan, Amy Paffrath, Sonny Carl Davis
Run Time: 1:20

Review: I love Full Moon Features. Usually what director/producer Charles Band is involved in has some worth, even if it's only a little. He directed and helped come up with the story for this one.

Let's be honest here... this movie was made for shits and giggles. It's a straight up comedy/horror and those are usually lots of fun with lame humor, tons of nudity and hopefully a lot of gore. I haven't seen the first Evil Bong in a long time so it'll be easy to review this as a stand alone movie, and not compare it to the first.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Cut Throat (2002)

Director: Keith Walley

Starring: Luciano Saber, Kate Norby, J. Robin Miller

Run Time: 1:30

Review: I actually somewhat respect the filmmakers for flat out telling you this movie is a rip-off of Scream. Though, not enough to call this piece of shit anything other than an awful horror movie.

The first scene is basically the first scene of Scream but like most imitations done extremely poor. It actually wasn't that bad until you get yourself a little twist. Someone shouts "Cut!" and you realize the first scene was only a movie. That's when things start to slide down the shit hill fast. The acting in the movie inside the movie is actually better than the acting in the movie itself. These are some of the most annoying characters I've ever seen.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Review: Eaten Alive (1977)

"Starring": Marilyn Burns, Mel Ferrer, Carolyn Jones

Homicidal Maniac: Neville Brand (as Judd)

Run Time: 1:30:51
Quick Synopsis: Soon after their dog is eaten by a crocodile outside of the Starlight Motel, Roy and Faye realize that the crocodile may not be their only problem.  The motel owner Judd is a scythe-wielding homicidal maniac.

Review:  How can you not love a movie where the maniac's main weapon of choice is a scythe?  While this is no horror classic, Eaten Alive does justice to the horror genre.  Let's be honest, this was done by some real pros.   The film is directed by Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and stars Marilyn Burns coming off her role in Hooper's classic.  With those two and other 70's Horror stars like Janus Blythe you cannot help but get excited about its potential.  Include in the fact that music

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Review: The Butcher (2006)

"Starring": Myiea Coy, Tom Nagel, Catherine Wrefred

Homicidal Maniac: Bill Jacobson (as Franklin Mayhew)

Run Time: 1:24:02
Quick Synopsis: After a car accident that kills one of their friends, five college students find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere.  After they come upon a farmhouse that appears to be abandoned, they soon learn that they may all be in danger.

Review:  Have you ever wondered what rich college kids do during summer vacation?  Apparently the answer is make awful horror movies.  This is the type of movie that this blog was made for.  It has everything that fans of awful horror movies want: bad plot, worse acting, and horrible effects.  As expected from a movie of this caliber, the only think worse than the twist ending, is the presentation

Mr. Jingles (2006)

Director: Tommy Brunswick

Starring: Kelli Jenson, Jessica Hall, Nathaniel Ketchum

Run Time: 1:21

Review: Woah, boy. Where do I start with this hunk of shit? They couldn't have been serious when they made this movie. This has to be some kind of lame inside joke. It's really hard to review because you can comment on everything. Everything is bad. There are no positives other than it's funny because of how bad it is, but sometimes it's not even funny. It's just depressing. Every time I watch this (yes, I've seen it more than once) it gets worse, but for some reason I keep coming back. I can't beleive it exists. I can't beleive I own it.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Review: Hatchet (2007)

"Starring:" Joel David Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond

Homicidal Maniac: Kane Hodder (as Victor Crowley/ Mr. Crowley

Run Time: 1:24:11
Quick Synopsis: Years after the deformed Victor Crawley was accidentally killed by his father, a group of Haunted Boat Tourists find themselves lost in the swamps of Louisiana where it appears Crawley is back.

Review: Hatchet starring Tamara Feldman and Joel David Moore (coming off his riveting role in Dodgeball) was supposed to turn Victor Crowley into the next horror icon and bring back the "old school American horror" genre.  While no one will be calling Victor Crowley a legend anytime soon, Hatchet does give a valiant effort in bringing back the classic American slasher.  It has all of the parts necessary to make a classic slasher: the unstoppable killer with an awful back-story, the young