Monday, April 30, 2012

The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot (1958)

Director: Rafael Portillo

Starring: Ramon Gay, Rosa Arenas, Crox Alvarado

Runtime: 1:05

Rant: The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot... The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot. Please do me a favor and say that out loud. Go ahead: "The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot." What the fuck kind of title is that? An awful one. An even more awful horror movie.

This rotten bag of
 chupacabra shit was made in Mexico, so it's in Spanish. Luckily it's dubbed and I don't have to read, but the voice overs are dreadful. There is zero suspense. ZERO. They all shamble around a stupid tomb looking for a stupid Mummy and they all walk like they have something jammed up their ass. I hate this boring movie. There's a lot of them sitting around bullshitting about what we already saw or what we're going to see. Apparently most of it is a recap of the previous two movies in the series, The Aztec Mummy and The Curse of the Aztec Mummy. Boy, that's a treat. It's 65 minutes long and half of that is two other shit movies I don't care about. There's a point where I think it's present time and all of a sudden they cut to them all sitting around a table talking. The guy says "All that I just told you happened 5 years ago." WHAT? We're 45 minutes into an hour long movie and they've showed us nothing new?! It was all from the previous movies?! FUCK THIS.

The fight scene happens in the last 3 minutes of the movie and it's terrible. The Aztec Mummy beats him by getting him in a bear hug. I guess that's a positive.

The Aztec Mummy's costume kind of reminds me of Leatherface. It's sorta creepy, but the terrible sound effects ruin everything. They make the mummy sound like someone's dry heaving grandmother. The robot is laughably bad. Just a big clunky cardboard cut-out costume no one put any time into making.

This was just a terrible, boring experience. I hope anyone who was involved in this movie died of some horrible disease that ate away at them for years. Fuck this awful horror movie.

Terrible lines:
"She was hypnotized and could be under post hypnotic suggestion. So it seems to me that the Bat controls her from a distance... it's logical." Of course it is.


              Horror Film: 1
              Entertainment: 1.5
              Suspense: 1

              Overall: 1.1

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