Sunday, May 27, 2012

Trailer Park of Terror (2008)

Director: Steven Goldmann

Starring: Nichole Hilz, Lew Temple, Jeanette Brox

Run Time: 1:31

Rant: This movie is more about the story and the characters than the zombies and gore. Problem is, the story and the characters are awful.

Almost 50 minutes in. No zombies. This shithole takes forever. She lives in a trailer park. The people there are abusive and they kill her boyfriend. She ends up making a deal with the devil and he gives her a gun. What kind of bullshit is that? So she kills everyone and herself and now she and the other trailer park idiots come back as zombies to terrorize this priest and these troubled kids he's taking on a trip. What the fuck kind of shit idea is that?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Leprechaun in da Hood (2000)

"Starring": Ice-T, Anthony Montgomery, Rashaan Nall

Homicidal Maniac: Warwick Davis (as the Leprechaun)

Run Time: 1:30:21
Quick Synopsis:  While attempting to rob Mack Daddy, three young rappers accidentally free the Leprechaun.  Now he seeks both revenge and the return of his gold.

Review: "Lep in da hood, come to do no good." That's one of the tag lines for this movie.  "Lep in da hood...come to do no good." Well at least the writers told us up front that this movie was going to be awful.  Let's not kid ourselves though, anyone who sees the title of this movie and expects oscar-worthy material to come out of it is an idiot.  Its supposed to make the audience laugh at the "hilarious" lines and the crazy life in the hood.  Too bad it is directed/written by mostly white guys and the lead character is the least convincing young rapper from the hood I have ever seen.  Then you

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Rubber (2010)

"Starring": Stephen Spinella, Roxane Mesquida, and Jack Plotnick

Homicidal Maniac: A Tire (Why? No reason.)

Run Time: 1:22:24
Quick Synopsis:  A small audience watches as a killer tire begins his path as destruction through the desert. 

Review:  Without a doubt, half of the people that watch this movie will turn it off before the twenty minute mark.  However, anyone that is able to gut it out and continue to watch will find that there is a good chance that they will enjoy the film.  The main theme of the story is the idea that many aspects of film and life happen for no reason.  I personally am not going to get into whether or not they get their message across, or even answer whether or not they truly wanted to get the message across.  I am just going to speak about the actual movie for most of the review.  First off since this is supposed

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Night of the Lepus (1972)

Director: William F. Claxton

Starring: Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun

Runtime: 1:28

Rant: The original title was "Rabbits." It's about killer bunnies. MGM says they changed the name of the movie and removed all rabbits from promos and stuff like that to keep the monsters of the movie a secret. We all know why they really did it. They were ashamed... as they should be.

They're fucking adorable. You should never have the urge to give a monster in a monster movie a hug. Why would anyone think this would be scary? They make little whimpering noises. Would be different if they roared or something but we're talking about bunny rabbits here! They say "They're as big as wolves!" Why didn't you make a mutant wolf movie then?! Fuck!!! I hate whoever came up

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Basement Jack (2009)

"Starring": Michele Morrow, Sam Skoryna, Lynn Lowry

Homicidal Maniac: Eric Peter-Kaiser (as Jack Riley)

Run Time: 1:32:56
Quick Synopsis:  After coming home to find her entire family slaughtered, Karen Cook is nearly killed by Jack Riley.  Eleven years later, Basement Jack has been released from a mental institution and has begun killing again.

Review:  Honestly, there aren't too many bad things that I can say about the movie.  The acting is very passable, the kill scenes are well done, and it has a decent slasher feel to it.  In no way am I saying this movie is classic, but compared to the recent garbage that I have reviewed it was a pleasant surprise.  Eric Peter-Kaiser does real good job as the homicidal maniac, in my opinion.  No one is going to confuse him with Michael Myers (circa 1978 not 2007-2009, fuck you Rob Zombie and your awful remake), but it wouldn't  be impossible to think Basement Jack may bring a little fear into some

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Wizard of Gore (1970)

Director: Herschell Gordon Lewis

Starring: Ray Sager, Judy Cler, Wayne Ratay

Run Time: 1:35

Rant: What's with horror icons coming from Pittsburgh? Herschell Gordon Lewis, Tom Savini, George Romero, Fred Rogers. There's almost too many to count.

Alright, so there's a stupid magician with a horrible moustache. I don't know what's going on in this movie. He saws the bitch in half, then she's just fine? The crowd doesn't even seem to realize she was sawed in half. They just watch like dullards as he's playing with her guts and stuff, then she walks away with no blood or anything. A scene later she's at a diner all sawed in half. What the fuck is going on?! I guess he has mind control over everyone. Every time he's about to control their minds they zoom into his stupid eyebrows.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Hillside Cannibals (2006)

"Starring":  Heather Conforto, Tom Nagel, Louis Graham

Homicidal Maniac: Cannibalistic Family

Run Time: 1:22:53
Quick Synopsis: Five teens go camping in the woods.  They soon find out that there is a crazy, inbred family.

Review:  Boy did the filmmakers of this movie have some balls.  Not only do they make an awful rip-off of the The Hills Have Eyes, they actually state that this is the true story that The Hills Have Eyes is based off of.  Really, this is a true story; if so, my whole outlook on the world has just changed.  Apparently, somewhere in the United States, there are people who live in the woods, that are cannibals, that communicate through grunts, know a little English, allow a small town sheriff to hang out with them, and appear to be a combination of cavemen and Native Americans.  That's sounds like it could happen.  This movie is as B as it gets.  At one point during the end of the movie, you can

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)

Director: James D.R. Hickox

Daniel Cerny, Ron Melendez, Jim Metzler

Run Time: 1:32

Rant: This movie's boring as shit. Killer children movies are a lot like killer doll movies. You just want to hit the fucker in the face with a hammer and end the movie right there, but you can't.

It's like Chridren of the Corn in the Hood. Two kids are adopted by an inner city husband and wife. The beginning reminds me of Child's Play 2. The rest of the movie reminds me of taking a really boring shit. There's interesting moments but nothing we haven't seen before. The smaller kid Eli starts a religious cult with all the kids at school and all kinds of stuff happens. Nothing really good.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Vampire Bats (2005)

"Starring" Lucy Lawless, Dylan Neal, Liam Waite

Monsters: Bats

Quick Synopsis:  After a college student is found dead with his blood drained, Professor Maddy Rierdon and her students try to find an answer.  They soon find out that their town has been overrun by mutated vampire bats.

Review:  As soon as this movie starts, you know its going to be bad.  For some reason, someone involved in the making of the movie thought it was necessary to start the movie with the camera upside down.  Nothing special happens and then it is flipped right side up.  Things like really annoy the shit out of me; you will never see a good movie that pulls some stupid shit like that.  This movie in no way is an exception to that rule.  The acting is not too bad (excluding some of the minor

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Street Trash (1987)

Director: Jim Muro

Starring: Mike Lackey, Bill Chepil, Vic Noto

Runtime: 1:31

Rant: This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while. It's so offensive I can't help but love it. It's a comedy/horror and it's really worth watching.

So this liquor store owner named Ed finds a case of this shit called "Viper" in his basement. I don't know if it's supposed to be booze or what but if you drink it it makes you melt. He starts selling it to these hobos and they start melting and a tough guy cop has to get to the bottom of it. It's not even really about the Viper stuff though, it's more about the characters getting into shenanigans.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Savage Island (2005)

"Starring":  Kristina Copeland, Steven Man, Mathew Turner

Homicidal Maniacs: The Savage Family

Run Time: 1:23:54
Quick Synopsis:  A married couple travels to Savage Island to spend some time with their family.  After a car accident kills a young child, the child's family seeks revenge.

Review:  I am really not sure what to take from this story honestly.  If someone told me they loved the film, I might understand their opinion, but personally I have to lean in a more negative direction.  The movie was shot on digital video rather than film and I personally think it is a mistake.  Although it does add to the tone of the movie, it is just too poor to overlook at other points.  There are many times that picture quality is horrendous.  Some may argue that it was intentional to make the viewer

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Dolly Dearest (1992)

Director: Maria Lease

Starring: Denise Crosby, Sam Bottoms, Rip Torn

Run Time: 1:33

Rant: I love killer doll movies. Don't know why. Maybe I have some kinda sick fetish. I remember watching Child's Play and saying "If that doll tried to kill me I would pick it up and fuck it right in the mouth."

Right off the bat I really liked the music in the opening credits. Quickly noticed it was done by Mark Snow, the guy who did the X-Files and Millennium music. Those are probably the two best opening credits of any TV show ever.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Are You Scared? (2006)

"Starring": Alethea Kutscher, Erin Consalvi, Brad Ashten

Homicidal Maniac: Brent Fidler (as Shadow Man)

Run Time: 1:19:09
Quick Synopsis: Six people who applied for the reality show "Are You Scared?" wake up within a manufacturing plant without any memory of how they got there. They now must find a way out before they are killed.

Review: This movie is horrendous.  I honestly could not state a single redeeming quality that this movie holds.  The best thing that I can say about the film is that it is only 79 minutes long.  Overall the acting is pathetic and not a single character is likeable. Every scene involving the detectives is so bad that I can't even enjoy it.  Outside of a the final kill, the effects are even more repulsive than the acting.  My favorite part about the killer is the fact the burns he has on is face continuously change places and severity.  The first half of the movie the burns are on the left side of his face and below his chin.  By the end, it completely covers his entire face; it is quite obvious the idea of continuity never

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day (1980)

Director: Charles Kaufman

Starring: Tiana Pierce, Nancy Hendrickson, Deborah Luce

Run Time: 1:30

Rant: What a wonderful movie to watch with your mother. This is one of of those shock value rape and revenge type of awful horror movies. I've never been a big fan of those but I figure I might as well be thankful my mother isn't a lunatic that enjoys watching my brother and I rape women.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Jack Frost (1997)

"Starring": Christopher Allport, Stephen Mendel, F. William Parker

Homicidal Maniac:  Scott MacDonald (as Jack Frost)

Run Time: 1:29:11
Quick Synopsis: After a serial killer is caught by a small town sheriff, Jack Frost is sentenced to death.  However, during a car accident on the way to the electric chair, Frost is turned into a immortal snowman.  Now he plans on seeking the revenge that he promised he would get on the sheriff's town.

Review:  There aren't too many movies like the Christmas Classic.  I just would have loved to have been around when the writers pitched their idea to a production company. 
Okay so here's the opening seen, sir: Two guards are taking a serial killer to be executed late at night during a snow storm.  At the same time a truck driver is trying to deliver a new chemical that will be used to preserve a person's DNA.  Problem is they wreck into each other and there is an explosion.  Before the serial killer can escape he is hit by the chemical (which is acidic) and appears to die. But here's the catch, he's not really dead, now his DNA is within the snow and he can turn himself into a killer snowman.
Yea, a killer snowman. 

Friday, May 11, 2012

See No Evil (2006)

Director: Gregory Dark
Starring: Glenn Jacobs, Christina Vidal, Michael J. Pagan

Run Time: 1:24

Rant: WWE Films. Yeah. No expectations what so ever. I think this was their first movie. Should have been the last. Let's be honest, wrestlers can't act. No, not even The Rock. On paper Kane makes the most sense. He's basically a masked Michael Myers type of bad guy in wrestling, right? It would make sense for him to be in a slasher. He'd probably be the best fit of all of them. Problem is, he isn't wearing a mask. His face isn't scary at all. He just looks like a big dumb cunt with no eyebrows. If Jason didn't have a hockey mask or a burlap sack over his face and just had the retard face with the Neil Young hair, he probably wouldn't have caught on as well.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Rant: The Burning (1981)

"Starring": Bryan Matthews, Leah Ayres, Bryan Backer

Homicidal Maniac: Lou David (as Cropsy)

Run Time: 1:31:28
Quick Synopsis:  After a prank at Camp Blackfoot goes wrong, Camp Owner Cropsy is caught on fire by his campers.  Before disappearing into the water, Cropsy swears his revenge on the parties involved.  Several years later, it appears that Cropsy has finally returned.

Rant:  This is by far the most disappointing slashers that I have ever seen.  While watching this film, I saw a ton of potential, but absolutely nothing came out of it.  As I'm watching I just kept thinking wow after they get through the character building stages of the movie this is going to be a lot of fun.  Then I look down at the run time of the movie and see that I am fifty minutes in and all I have gotten is a couple classic 80's slasher style nude scenes and a dead hooker.  Where the hell is the beef?  You have Tom fucking Savini working for you and fifty minutes in there is only one kill to be found. Why? You have about 20 characters that fit the role of the typical 80's slasher victim and all I get is one dead hooker.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Alligator (1980)

Director: Lewis Teague

Starring: Robert Forster, Robin Riker, Michael V. Gazzo

Runtime: 1:31

Rant: Let's face it. "Alligator" is a terrible name for a movie. It's about an alligator, what do we call it? I got it! Alligator! That's like naming a movie about a taxi driver...
I expected complete and utter reptile piss from the getgo. Something like a Syfy original movie. It has a terrible title and it's an obvious Jaws rip off. Call me crazy but... this movie is good. I'm surprised it's not more well known.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Review: 100 Tears (2007)

"Starring": Joe Davison, Georgia Chris, Raine Brown

Homicidal Maniac: Jack Amos (as Gurdy the Clown)

Run Time: 1:31:22
Quick Synopsis: Two tabloid journalist looking for a story begin to research the Tear Drop Killer.  As they continue investigating their story they find out themselves in danger of becoming Gurdy the Clown's next victims.

Review: Well this was a whole lot of fun.  The fact that I had it took me five years to find out about this movie is almost criminal.  By know means is this perfect, but it sure is the most entertaining movie that I have reviewed so far.  If I could describe the first fifteen minutes of this movie in three words it would be "Equal Opportunity Murder."  I don't think I have ever used this description before but think that it fits perfectly. Black Guy: Check. White Guy: Check. Latino: Check. Handicapped:

Monday, May 7, 2012

Review: Nine Dead (2010)

"Starring": Melissa Joan Hart, William Lee Scott, James Victor

Homicidal Maniac: John Terry (as Shooter)

Run Time: 1:26:28
Quick Synopsis: After nine people are kidnapped, a masked man tells them they will be killed one by one if they cannot figure out why they have been brought together.

Review:  Everything about this movie can be summed up in one word: average.  There is no single aspect of this movie that stands out, but there is also no aspect that ruins the film either.  The cast does a decent job of entertaining the viewer without any breakthrough performance that would put a movie like this over the top.  The plot is also average, but there are too many aspects that are just a

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Zombie Holocaust (1980)


Starring: Ian McCulloch, Alexandra Delli Colli, Sherry Buchanan

Run Time: 1:20

Rant: This movie is out of control. They really shoot for the goddamn stars. Fuck getting the first down, they're going for a touchdown on every play. Even in the scenes without zombies they find some reason to rip something apart. They just don't give a shit about anything.

The sound effects are pure shit. This is an italian made movie, but sometimes it looks like they're actually saying the words in English. I can't get it straight. It's definitely dubbed but I can't tell if the actors are speaking English or Italian.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Review: Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

"Starring": Jada Pinkett, William Sadler, Brenda Bakke

Homicidal Maniac: Billy Zane (as the Collector)

Run Time: 1:32:16
Quick Synopsis: A man who must protect a secret key that could lead to the end of the world finds himself locked inside of a motel with seven other people.  With their help, he must fight off the demon coming to retrieve the key.

Review:  This is by far the best movie that we have reviewed for the site (to this point, I am sure this will become outdated).  Honestly, I am worried that it may be too well-known (and good) for Awful Horror Movies.  The plot is your basic "demon trying to take over the world" story but it still has enough originality to entertain the audience.  The acting was pretty well done with many actors who

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Thankskilling (2009)

Director: Jordan Downey

Starring: Lance Predmore, Lindsey Anderson, Ryan Francis

Rant: This is another shits and giggles movie no one's supposed to take seriously. Why should they? It's a killer turkey that talks. So 5 dummies take are taking a road trip during Thanksgiving break. There's the fat guy, the jock, the nerd, the slutty girl and the annoying nice girl that adds nothing.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Review: Carver (2008)

"Starring": Ursula Taherian, Matt Carmody, Neil Kubath

Homicidal Maniac:  Erik Fones and David G. Holland (as Bobby Shaw Carver and Billy Hall Carver)

Run time: 1:36:03
Quick Synopsis:  Five people camping in the backwoods of West Virginia soon find themselves part of horror/snuff film directed by homicidal maniacs.

Review: I watched Carver for the first time while preparing for this review and I have to say I came away presently surprised.  The first thing that the viewer will notice while watching the movie is the poor video quality.  Because of this fact, there was no way I could not expect this movie to fall into the same category as The Butcher or even worse Mr. Jingles.  However, after watching the film I am glad to say that my assumption was completely wrong.  This was one of the best low budget horror

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Prom Night (1980)

Director: Paul Lynch

Starring: Leslie Nielsen, Jaime Lee Curtis, Casey Stevens

Run Time: 1:32

Review: You know a movie's gonna be great when the first scene is a 10 year old girl falling out of a window to her death. They're playing "Killer" in an abandoned building and they all huddle around her yelling "Kill!" Eventually she falls backwards and there she goes! I was surprised they showed it happen. Instead of getting help, the horribly acted children all make a pact that they'll never tell anyone what happened.