Saturday, May 19, 2012

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)

Director: James D.R. Hickox

Daniel Cerny, Ron Melendez, Jim Metzler

Run Time: 1:32

Rant: This movie's boring as shit. Killer children movies are a lot like killer doll movies. You just want to hit the fucker in the face with a hammer and end the movie right there, but you can't.

It's like Chridren of the Corn in the Hood. Two kids are adopted by an inner city husband and wife. The beginning reminds me of Child's Play 2. The rest of the movie reminds me of taking a really boring shit. There's interesting moments but nothing we haven't seen before. The smaller kid Eli starts a religious cult with all the kids at school and all kinds of stuff happens. Nothing really good.

There really isn't much to say about this one. It's just mediocre all over. Nothing too bad besides one of the worst kills I've ever seen. A fat lady tries to light a cigarette and the fire goes in her mouth. Then her face catches fire and burns up really cartoony. The end is terrible. A big monster comes out of nowhere and kills a bunch of people. Any time you need a good sleep, turn this fucker on and dream of a better awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: This is Charlize Theron's film debut. She plays an uncredited follower of Eli.

Kill Count:
(6:22) Crucified by corn.
Derilect Man (31:03) Killed by corn.
Samantha (41:52) Burns to death.
Amanda (46:05) Falls on a pipe.
Father Frank Nolan (1:06:28) Crucified upside down.
Malcom (1:13:10) Head ripped off.
William (1:17:16) Stabbed with sythe.
Tons of uncredited kids. (1:20:32) Killed by a big monster-devil thing.

Horror Film: 4
Entertainment: 5
Gore: 5
Overall Rating: 4.5