Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Night of the Lepus (1972)

Director: William F. Claxton

Starring: Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun

Runtime: 1:28

Rant: The original title was "Rabbits." It's about killer bunnies. MGM says they changed the name of the movie and removed all rabbits from promos and stuff like that to keep the monsters of the movie a secret. We all know why they really did it. They were ashamed... as they should be.

They're fucking adorable. You should never have the urge to give a monster in a monster movie a hug. Why would anyone think this would be scary? They make little whimpering noises. Would be different if they roared or something but we're talking about bunny rabbits here! They say "They're as big as wolves!" Why didn't you make a mutant wolf movie then?! Fuck!!! I hate whoever came up with the idea to make this. True fucking hate. The effort put into making this could have been put into making anything else. ANYTHING else. Janet Leigh is in this! So is Bones from Star Trek. Why would they agree to this? I'm embarrassed for them. They should have made a slasher version of Peter Cottontail in the 90s like they did with piss movies like Jack Frost or Uncle Sam. That would have been better than this pile of boring shit.

So this guy's a rancher and he's having a problem with rabbits because all the coyotes in the area are dead for some dumb reason or another. He gets help from a college professor or he's the president of the college I don't fucking know, who cares. Then they find these researchers and they end up injecting the little bastards with this stuff that will fuck up their genetics and make their babies into retard bunnies, but it really makes them grow. One of the researcher's daughters takes one home as a pet and it runs away. There we go! The horror and adventure starts there and I've never wanted to put a screwdriver down my dickhole and fucking rot to death more. This movie is horrible.

Some of the gore isn't that terrible but most of it is. They find a dead family that are supposed to be "mutilated" by the bunnies but they just look like they're laying there covered in ketchup. The effects used to make the bunnies seem big are laughable and the acting is horrible, but not horrible enough to laugh at. Doesn't even have that going for it.

This is a shit barrel movie for sure. Not scary, not entertaining, but not annoying either. It's just sort of... there. Just like the turd I squeezed out in the toilet a few hours ago was just... there. This is a horrible awful horror movie.

Fun Facts: The movie was based on the novel "The Year of the Angry Rabbit," written by Australian author Russell Braddon. With a movie so compelling, could you imagine the book? Too much horror and excitement to handle!!!

Kill Count:
Billy (20:45) Killed by mutant bunny off camera.
Truck Driver (24:55) Shredded by mutant bunny.
Wife in Car (27:34) Mutilated by bunnies.
Husband in Car, played by Steve De France (27:34) Mutilated by bunnies.
Child in Car (27:34) Mutilated by bunnies.
Child in Car (27:34) Mutilated by bunnies.
Jud (48:26) Eaten by rabbits, off camera.
Mildred (53:48) Eaten by rabbits.
Mildred's Husband (55:13) Eaten by rabbits.
Leslie (1:00:03) Found dead.

Horror Film: 2
Entertainment: 4
Suspense: 1
Overall Rating: 2.2