Thursday, May 16, 2013

V/H/S (2012)

"Starring": Calvin Reeder, Lane Hughes, Adam Wingard

Homicidal Maniac: Zombie-like Old Man, Naked, Winged-Creature Bitch, Some Other Bitch, Some Aliens?, A Camera Glitch, Some Cult Shit

Run Time: 1:56:13

Quick Synopsis: Six different short horror stories are presented from a POV-style perspective.


Had trouble with this review so I am just going to say a little about each story.

"Tape 56": So this was the main story that connected all the other vignettes to each other.  It starts with a group of dudes sharking some random woman.  And if that is not enough to show how hardcore they are, the next scene where they are vandalizing a bunch of shit sure will.  I honestly believe that the actors just wanted to break shit so they filmed it and added it to the movie.  For some reason it just annoyed the shit out of me.  Anyway they break into a house looking for a rare vhs, but instead find a dead man sitting in front of a bunch of tv's.  A bunch of them go searching through the house while one stays and puts on the first videotape, "Amateur Hour."

"Amateur Hour": So this story revolves around three friends who have planted a spy cam on a pair of glasses worn by one of the guys on a night that they go to the bar.  Initially, I was agitated by the acting of the three, but it started to lessen as the story went along.  They meet up with a couple girls, including a weird bitch who you know is gonna have something wrong with her as soon as you see her.  Soon the bar closes and they all go back to a hotel room.  This is where shit it the fan and there is an insane turn of events that leads to everyone's (except the villain) death.

"Tape 56": Back to the room, this is where we first see the twist of "Tape 56" before moving to the next video.

"Second Honeymoon": A couple is on a road trip to rekindle their relationship.  While at a hotel, one of the creepier, realistic events happen as someone sneaks into their room during the night and videotapes them as they were sleeping.  Personally, if I saw a video like that the day after I would be scared shitless. However, the writers don't go this route, as the couple never watches the video from the previous night.  Anyway the next night, the person comes back and you find out its not a stranger.  

"Tape 56": People start disappearing, then on to the next video.

"Tuesday the 17th":  A group of friends go on a trip to the woods where one of the girls had a traumatic experience several years ago.  While they are films, random glitches in the camera show dead people in different areas of the woods.  Next out of nowhere the bitch who had the traumatic experience fucking says, "You are all going to die out here."  And the dude filming shrugs that shit off like its nothing.  Well, guess what?  They all die out there.

"Tape 56": Dudes still disappearing.

"The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She was Younger": Ugh, what an awful title.  Anyway this story revolves around a couple in a long-distance relationship and their video chats.  The woman believes she has been hearing noises and seeing things so she wants to film it while talking to her boyfriend.  They finally catch a glimpse of the apparent ghosts on the screen.  The next day the woman seems really irritated by something in her arm, and the guys says he will check it out next time.  Everything escalates and then there is a twist.

"Tape 56": They are all dead, and the twist is completely revealed.

"10/31/98": A group of friends are planning on going to a Halloween party, but when they get to the house no one is around.  They make there way to the attic where they fall upon a apparent exorcism or sacrifice attempt.  I'm going to go with the sacrifice.  They break the whole thing up and try to save the girl being sacrificed.  Turns out that was a bad idea as all kinds of crazy shit happens and the groups ends up getting hit by a train.


The problem with the short-story format for a low budget film is that you are forced to introduce several sets of "main" characters.  This forces the viewer to watch the awful scenes where we get to know about these awfully acted characters six different times.  The writers would have been better off going right into the story in order to keep the flow of the film going, instead the viewer is dragged into boredom over and over.  Overall this is a decent awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: Ten people were credited as directors of some segment of V/H/S.

Hidden Gem: Six of those directors die in the film.

Total Kill Count: 14

Old Man- Frank Stack (9:00) Found Dead Gore Rating:--
Shane- Mike Donlan (24:17) Scratched and Mauled Gore Rating: 4
Patrick- Joe Sykes (26:23) Scratched and Mauled+Genitals Ripped Off Gore Rating: 4
Sam- Joe Swanberg (56:37) Stabbed in the Throat Gore Rating: 8
Samantha- Jeannine Yoder (1:07:39) Knife Thrown Throurgh Eye Gore Rating: 7
Spider- Jason Yachanin (1:07:47) Stabbed in Head Gore Rating: 5
Joey- Drew Moerlein (1:09:55) Throat Slit Gore Rating 7
Wendy- Norma C Quinones (1:14:00) Intestines Ripped Out Gore Rating: 8
Zak- Lane Hughes (1:32:52) Decapitated Offscreen Gore Rating: 7
Gary- Calvin Reeder (1:33:24) Offscreen Gore Rating:--
Chad Villella (1:50:55) Hit By Train Gore Rating--
Matt Bettinelli-Olpin (1:50:55) Hit By Train Gore Rating--
Tyler Gillett (1:50:55) Hit By Train Gore Rating--
Paul Natonek (1:50:55) Hit By Train Gore Rating--


            Horror Film:  6
            Entertainment: 6
            Gore: 8
            Overall: 6.5