Thursday, June 6, 2013

Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)

Director: Rick Bota

Starring: Lance Henriksen, Katheryn Winnick, Christopher Jacot
Run Time: 1:31
Rant: Man of Steel will be hitting theaters in just over a week. It stars Henry Cavill as the baddest ass in the universe. The trailers look incredible and Cavill looks like he'll be a great Superman... it probably wasn't a good idea to taint him like this.

Now, I've seen all the Freddys, Jasons, Michael Myers, Chuckys, Leprechauns, Puppet Masters, Candymans, Demonic Toys, Children of the Corns, Screams and a ton of other horror movies with shitloads of sequels. For some reason the Hellraiser series has always escaped me. I saw the first three and I liked them but I don't know why I never went any further. I'm sure it's a great series but let's be honest. Once it gets to part 8 they aren't always that great are they? Jason Takes Manhattan is in my mind the worst Friday the 13th. Halloween Ressurection was absolute dogshit. The 8th Puppet Master was a fucking recap movie for shit's sake! Fucking rented that piece of shit from Blockbuster. What a waste.

Hellraiser has become a MMORPG, with the worst fucking graphics ever. They aren't even graphics, it's like one of those text adventure games, but I doubt anyone was playing that shit in 2005. So there's 6 people who were addicted to the game util their friend dies. Not sure how he dies but it's somehow related to the game. Now we're present time and they've been invited to a Hellraiser convention type of place. Much like Ash, Misty and Brock are invited to Mewtwo's Island in Pokemon: The First Movie. Instead of Mewtwo, the host of the place is Lance Henriksen. I still can't decide who's more of a badass.

There's a scene that couldn't be any cornier. They're driving to the convention and there's music playing while they all look at each other and smile these terribly corny smiles. It's pretty awful. Cavill's accent pops up a few times but I won't let that bother me. He's one of the better performances in the movie but that isn't saying much. He plays the cool guy but that's probably an easier performance anyway. Feel bad for the black guy. He has the deed of playing the silly nerdier guy. He's truly awful. The cringeworthy part of the movie. If I hear "you guys havn't changed" or "nothing changes" again, I'm going to kill myself. It's the theme of the movie. These old friends not changing. It just gets beaten into your head. WE GET IT.

The one part I liked was this guy finds a knife, and behind him he hears Chatterer the Cenobite. He turns around very quickly and stabs it, only to find that it's the main girl of the movie. Turns out it actually in his head but fuck, was it interesting for 60 seconds. Now it's just back to mediocracy. There's another part where Lance Henriksen shows up and the girl gives him a karate kick off of a balcony. I have no idea why this was neccesary. She certainly wouldn't throw a kick like that. It came out of nowhere and made it suck a lot more than it was sucking before. I actually like the ending. There's a twist and all kinds of shit but it isn't as bad as you'd think.

I got exited before doing this review. Not only to see Lance Henriksen and Superman before he's Superman, but because the idea of making Hellraiser into a video game seemed like a really good idea. They don't really deal with it much though. They talk about it and show it in the first 15 minutes or so, but after that it's a standard slasher. They had a chance to do something unique but they shit the bed. I can't see this being the worst Hellraiser movie. It's not as awful as some movies but it's not anything special at all. I'm sure if you're a fan of the series you'll like it, I guess. This is a below average awful horror movie.

Fun facts: This is the third Hellraiser film Rick Bota has directed. The others being Hellrasier: Hellseeker and Hellraiser: Deader. He was also the cinemetographer for a bunch of Tales from the Crypt episodes, including the movie Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight. Here's a link to big Jim's review of it he did back in May of last year: Tales from the Crypt

Horror film: 5
Entertainment: 5
Gore: 5.5
Overall rating: 5.1