Thursday, June 20, 2013

Violent Shit (1989)

Director: Andreas Schnaas

Starring: Andreas Schnass, Gabi Bazner, Wolfgang Hinz

Runtime: 1:13

Rant: Ah, Violent Shit. The infamous German horror series. The killer's name is the Butcher Shitter for fuck's sake and it's filmed on a camcorder. This should have been my warning, but this is a cult favorite for alot of people. I'll give it a chance.

We start off with a young K. The Butcher Shitter playing with a ball in his back yard. He walked into his home and begins walking up the stairs. This is the moment we realize what we're in for. This is the moment I know I'm going to want to kill myself before the movie is over. He walks up the stairs, looks directly at the camera and smiles a bashful little smile, then puts his head down like he's ashamed. He should be ashamed. Everyone involved should be ashamed. I'm ashamed of myself for not turning this hunk of shit off right then and there.

I can't tell if they're going for a horror/comedy or straight up horror. Cult movies are always going to be hit or miss but I don't understand this one. I could make this movie. You could make this movie. It's garbage. There's no main character or any type of story or anything. It's just now we see this guy. Now that guy gets killed. After that, we see this other guy. Then he gets killed. The kills just happen. No rhyme or reason. It just starts and people get killed. He cuts a girl's boob off in one of the fakest, cheapest special effects I've ever seen. I don't expect anything that great, but fuck, I figured I must have heard about this movie for some reason. Most of it's this idiot running around the woods hacking up twigs with his stupid butcher knife.

The best scene is a guy stumbling upon the Butcher Shitter while driving down the road. He tries to help him, then get's his hand cut off in a horrible quick cut. As he lays there, the Butcher Shitter proceeds to pulling the man's dick out and cutting it off with his butcher knife. It was very poorly executed but it gave me a chuckle. Actually, most of the kills involve genitals. Tons of dicks getting cut off and all that. The most amazing part was cutting up a vagina. They show it too. It's a cheesy fake vagina, but they went for it.

I guess I have to give them credit for trying the special effects. At least they showed some gore. It's some of the cheesiest gore, but it's still there. As much as I'm giving it a hard time, I can't say it doesn't deliver as advertised. This is a violent, shitty awful horror movie. The Mr. Jingles of the 80's. I'm sure if the guys who made Mr. Jingles heard that they'd be proud. That terrifies me.

Terrible lines:
"Did you read the paper this morning?"
"Can't read anyway."
"You missed this one. Great stuff, some pervert on the loose. Cut off a guy's dick and ate up the evidence."
"Must be one mean motherfucker."
"Maybe he'll pay you a visit."
"Yeah, and I'll push my cock down his throat, that's for sure.

Horror film: 1
Entertainment: 4
Gore: 6
Overall rating: 3.0

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