Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Final Destination 5 (2011)

Starring: Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, and Peter Friedkin

Homicidal Maniac: Death

Run time: 1:32:00

Quick Synopsis:  After a man's premonitions save them from a suspension-bridge collapse, the survivors realize that death has come to finish the job.

After the last couple Final Destination films, the fifth installment was a pleasant change of pace.  Final Destination 5 was made with actual effort.  It was not simply a mish-mash of entertaining kills with little character development like the last few.  The acting was not great, but the characters had a decent level of likability, which is a major upgrade from the standard that was set.  Most of the victims actually have more scenes than just their death and the original premonition.  The kill scenes are done well, creating suspense even though the audience knows that the person is going to be dying.  They may be some of my

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

F (2010) aka The Expelled

Starring: David Schofield, Eliza Bennett, and Ruth Gemmell

Homicidal Maniac: Antoine Dutilh, James Sutton, and Austin Phillips as the Hoods

Run time: 1:18:00

Quick Synopsis:  A school is terrorized by a group of murderous kids.

Who the hell thought this was a good idea for an ending?  Really this review should end right there.  If the filmmaker doesn't give a shit about finishing his story, a story he supposedly took two years to write, then why should anyone take the time to review it.  I am going to keep this short and do the review in bullet format as in open protest to the films laziness.  
  • The films opening is pretty ridiculous

Monday, December 29, 2014

Mockingbird (2014)

Starring: Audrey Marie Anderson, Todd Stashwick, Barak Hardley, and Alexandra Lydon

Homicidal Maniac: Jacob and his friends 

Run time: 1:21:00

Quick Synopsis:  Multiple people find cameras at their doorstep and are given the instructions to continue filming or face the consequences.  

At first, most will wonder why this film has such awful ratings.  Sure it is nowhere near perfect and there are many scenes that will make you roll your eyes, but these scenes could easily be overlooked with a decent ending.  Especially, when you consider some of the better scenes early on where there is a solid feeling of suspense built up.  

Friday, December 26, 2014

Home Sweet Home (2013)

Starring: Meghan Heffern, Adam MacDonald, Lancelot

Homicidal Maniac: Shaun Benson as The Killer

Run time: 1:20:00

Quick Synopsis: A couple is attacked within their home by a killer.

For the most part, Home Sweet Home is your typical home invasion horror movie.  The films initial sequence has some uniqueness and originality, following the killer as he breaks into the home of the McAndrew family.  At first this sequence is really interesting, however, I feel as though it dragged on a little to long.  It didn't bother me too much though as a respect a low budget horror film that tries to do something different.  

Monday, December 22, 2014

The Final Destination (2009)

Starring: Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten, and Haley Webb

Homicidal Maniac: Death

Run time: 1:22:00

Quick Synopsis:  Death comes back to clean up another mess; this time made by the visions of a guy at a race track.

There is no way that this movie was not put together in 3 hours one afternoon.  I mean they didn't even take the time to create names with half the characters in the movie.  The movie has characters that appear in multiple scenes credited as Mechanic, Racist, Racist's Girlfriend, and MILF's husband.  The films logic is all over the place.  The main

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Mercy (2014)

Starring: Chandler Riggs, Dylan McDermott, and Frances O'Connor

Homicidal Maniac: Hastur (through possession of Mercy)

Run time: 1:19:00

Quick Synopsis: A mother and her two children go back to her small town home to take care of her mother, a woman with apparent mysterious powers.

If you are going to make a movie centered around a child actor as the star make sure that child can actually act.  Unfortunately for Mercy, Chandler Riggs may be the worst child actor to ever be a central character in a film.  I understand he may have his fans, but he is truly horrendous.  His line delivery, stupid facial expressions and lack of emotion make

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Don't Blink (2014)

Starring: Joanne Kelly, Brian Austin Green, and Zack Ward

Homicidal Maniac:  Existence

Run time: 1:32:00

Quick Synopsis:  Ten people on vacation at a secluded mountain resort arrive to find the place abandoned.  

Properly reviewing this is going to tough for me because personally it is really interesting, however, I know that it won't be for most of the audience.  I think the most important thing to discuss upfront in this review is that if you do not like movies that do not explain a mystery in any way, do not waste your time with Don't Blink.  There is little chance that you will come out of the movie happy.  After acknowledging that the story and mystery is actually entertaining you will become even more frustrated.  Personally, I did not have any issue with the ending.  The movie as a whole is a metaphor for life, however, the point of view is coming from someone that has a semi-existential outlook on the world.  

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Barricade (2012)

Starring: Eric McCormack, Conner Dwelly, and Ryan Grantham

Homicidal Maniac: The Flu (fine Madness too)

Run time: 1:22:00

Quick Synopsis: A year after the death of his wife, a father takes his children to the cabin that the wife always wanted to go to.  

This movie felt like it was written by an intelligent middle school student.  If you have ever seen a story written by such a student you will understand what I am talking about.  There are some decent scenes, reminiscent of famous scenes from other horror movies of course, and the movie tries to have a decent twist.  However, inexperience leads to the story becoming a mangled mess that will confuse most and forces the movie to fall flat.  

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Would You Rather (2012)

Starring: Brittany Snow, Enver Gjokaj, and Lawrence Gilliard Jr.

Homicidal Maniac: Jeffrey Combs as Shepard Lambrick

Run time: 1:33:00

Quick Synopsis: A rich guy hosts a game of "Would You Rather" to a group of individuals with a dire need of money or other forms of help.

Review: Would You Rather is a pretty simple movie but sometimes that is all you need.  This film is similar to many of the films that tried to use the popularity of the Saw series to gain success, except for the fact that this one is actually good.  There really is nothing overly original within the movie but it doesn't have that cliched feel.  Jeffrey Combs really sticks out as the main antagonist in the film.  His nonchalant attitude really adds something different to similar roles of sadistic villains.  The rest of the cast is not really asked to do much, but they definitely do enough with what was required of them.  Like I explained earlier the plot is pretty basic, a group of people are forced to do sadistic tasks until one remains, but it does make for an interesting and relatively fast-paced 90 minutes.  

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Come Back to Me (2014)

Starring: Matt Passmore, Katie Walder, and Laura Gordon

Homicidal Maniac: Nathan Keyes as Dale

Run time: 1:36:08

Quick Synopsis:  A woman, who suffers blackouts after a car accident, finds herself pregnant.  The problem is that her husband is sterile. 

Review: In a couple of my reviews I have mocked the filmmakers while making the kill counts.  Although within the scopes of these films a character may have survived an apparent kill scene, I have refused to take that kill out of the kill count; making the decision that no one could possibly survive what had happened to them.  Well Come Back to Me is a big middle finger to me and the way that I treat some of the awful horror movies.  In an attempt to avoid giving away the whole movie, I will just that the novel the movie is based off of was title The Resurrectionist for a reason.   The fact that this movie is based off a film is pretty evident due to how well-written the story is for a low budget

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Starring: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ryan Merriman, and Kris Lemche

Homicidal Maniac: Death

Intro Vision: Roller Coaster Accident

Run time: 1:33:00

Quick Synopsis:  Death's plan is all messed up again, this time after a premonition of a roller coaster accidents saves the lives of a group of amusement park visitors.  

You really have to respect the decision-making of the people behind Final Destination 3.  Up until this point in the franchise there appear to be some semblance of an attempt at quality acting and story-telling, but most of the fans of the first two films honestly didn't care.  All they cared about was the initial premonition and seeing the most creative deaths possible.  So what does the third film do?  Final Destination 3 ignores that story-telling and character building bull shit and focuses solely on the kills.  Really there are so many

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Camel Spiders (2011)

Starring: Brian Krause, Thomas C. Howell, and Melissa Brasselle

Monsters: Camel Spiders

Run time: 1:24:00

Quick Synopsis:  Soldiers accidentally bring camel spiders back with them to the southwestern deserts of the United States.

Camel Spiders is exactly what you would expect from a movie titled Camel Spiders.  Which is trash, trash, trash! Garbage!  Fortunately, it is the bad enough to be entertaining, similar to a 20 car pile up that took the lives of everyone involved.  It has that SyFy feel to it, however, it was made by an independent production company, but I'm sure that they would be happy to add it to the channel's already elite programming.  My favorite part of the film is the completely unnecessary subplots that fill out the movie.  Every single

Friday, December 5, 2014

Final Destination 2 (2003)

Starring: A.J. Cook, Ali Larter, and Michael Landes

Homicidal Maniac: Death

Intro Vision: High Car Pile-Up

Run time: 1:30:00

Quick Synopsis: A woman has a premonition of a highway car accident.  The premonition comes true and now the people saved by her warning our now being killed to complete death's plan.

A year after the Flight 180 plane crash, a young woman has a similar premonition of a highway car pile-up that takes the lives of many.  Just like Alex in the original, Kimberly is able to save a handful of lives.  As you all expect, this is only the beginning as once again the survivors begin to be picked off one by one.  While this film doesn't totally mail it in like some of the future sequels, there really isn't much to the movie other than the kill scenes.  Fortunately, they are entertaining enough to overcome the fact there is very little other substance in the story.  Each kill has added creativity and surprise that will definitely

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The Babadook (2014)

Starring: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman and Barbara West

Homicidal Maniac: Tim Purcell as the Babadook

Run time: 1:33:00

Quick Synopsis:  A single mother finds a pop-up book that appears to bring on a sinister presence. 

On its surface, The Babadook may appear to be much like many recent micro-budget horror films such as Sinister and Insideous.  However, as you dig a little deeper there is much more to the film than a simple horror story.  Seven years after the death of her husband, which coincided with birth of her son, Amelia has yet to overcome the pain of her loss.  Unfortunately, her intelligent but high maintenance son is a constant reminder of that pain.  This is where Mister Babadook comes into play.  After finding a creepy

Monday, December 1, 2014

Final Destination (2000)

Starring: Ali Larter, Devon Sawa, and Kerr Smith

Homicidal Maniac: Death

Run time: 1:38:00

Intro Vision: Plane Crash

Quick Synopsis:  A high school student has a vision of his flight to Paris ending in a crash.  After leaving the plane, his vision comes true and now death wants to finish the job and kill the students that were supposed to die on the plane.

If Final Destination teaches anything it's the fact that death can be a real asshole.  Fortunately for the viewers, the reaper is a creative asshole.  While the concept is original and clever, the best part of the film, and the series as a whole, is discovering how these characters are going to die.  That is not to

Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Greenskeeper (2002)

Starring: Allelon Ruggiero, Bruce Taylor, and Ron Lester 

Homicidal Maniac: John Rocker as the Greenskeeper (or maybe not wink, wink)

Run Time: 1:20:38

Quick Synopsis: Killer Greenskeeper: Enough Said

So this morning I was on the hunt for something really awful and that allowed me to come across this little gem.    So the movie starts with Allen Anderson in bed getting ready to get up...and then my mind is blown.  I say to myself, "this must be a dream," but I wasn't talking about the fact I was in a dream sequence.  I was talking about the man whole was now on my screen: John Rocker.  As a baseball fan, the excited that came out of me when I saw the horrendously awful human being and former pitcher John Rocker on my screen cannot be described with words.  When it comes to hate-able baseball players, John Rocker is hall of fame worthy.  Sometimes things are just met to be.  A minute into the movie my day was made.  The opening credits is the greatest compilation of corny intros that I have ever seen.  Whoever created this soundtrack better have job somewhere in comedy right now, that alone makes this movie watchable.  

Thursday, November 27, 2014

House of the Dead (2003)

Starring: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, and Clint Howard

Homicidal Maniac: David Palffy as Castillo

Run time: 1:30:00

Quick Synopsis:  A group of ravers must find a way to survive on an island that has begun to be infested with zombies.

While watching this movie I asked myself' "Am I really going to be forced to defend this shit-show?"  Don't get me wrong the movie is complete trash, with almost zero redeeming qualities.  The acting and dialogue is awful, the plot is pretty nonexistent and directing and editing are just plain silly.  However, I still think that I gets a bad rap (Rated as the fifteenth worst movie on IMDB).  I mean at least they tried to do something different, right? Right?  I mean how could you not be entertained by the big zombie killing

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012)

Director: Charles Band

Starring: Kip Canyon, Jean Louise O'Sullivan, Oto Brezina

Run Time: 1:26

Rant: Here we have (as of now) the final Puppet Master film. It strange to think this is the first installment directed by Charles Band. That is of course if we don't count the dreadful Puppet Master: The Legacy. Axis Rising is a direct sequel to Axis of Evil taking place a day after the events of the previous movie. Right off the bat we have some issues. All the fucking actors are different. Not a single one returns. I'm sure that's something Charles Band had no control over but it's really jarring. In the previous movie the evil Japanese dragon lady Ozu steals Jester, Tunneler and Leech Woman from Danny Coogan but in this movie she only stole Tunneler. It's not a big deal but watching these movies back to back is something you shouldn't do.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Frailty (2001)

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Powers Boothe and Matt O'Leary

Homicidal Maniac: Bill Paxton as Dad Meiks

Run time: 1:40:00

Quick Synopsis: A man tells the story of his father and the murders his father committed.

Nothing is better than finding a movie that just does everything well.  It might not be flashy or win many awards but Frailty is just solid all the way around.  Honestly there are very few flaws in Frailty.  All the lead actors perform well above average, even the child actors who are given a lot of screen time and could have easily ruined the entire movie.  They are not perfect but are both convincing in their portrayals.  Even after acknowledging that everyone gave good performance, Bill Paxton still steals the show as

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)

Director: David DeCoteau

Starring: Levi Fiehler, Jenna Gallaher, Taylor M. Graham

Run Time: 1:23

Rant: 6 years have passed since the abortions known as Puppet Master: The Legacy and Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys. Who do you turn to when you need another installment? David fucking DeCoteau. And why not? He hasn't directed a Puppet Master since 1999's Retro. Axis of Evil is another period piece.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

6 Souls (2009)

Starring: Julianne Moore, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and Jeffrey DeMunn

Homicidal Maniac: Reverend Moore

Run time: 1:52:00

Quick Synopsis: A psychiatrist has a patient with multiple personalities that all appear to be murder victims.

I'm really  surprised that this movie has thrown under the radar for the past few years.  It has an interesting premise, a solid budget and a few actors that have made a name for themselves.  Logic would suggest that given these fact the movie must be awful, but that truly is not the case.  I would put the first hour or so of this film up there with the upper tier of psychological thrillers that I have seen.  The acting is solid, especially Jonathan

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004)

Director: Ted Nicolaou

Starring: Corey Feldman, Vanessa Angel, Danielle Keaton

Run Time: 1:28

Rant: Here we have the most unique Puppet Master movie to date. Is it a stand alone story that ignores the films before it? No. Is it set in some wacky place or time where we've yet to see the puppets? No. Then why the fuck is it so unique? Because Charles Band and Full Moon have absolutely nothing to do with this movie. Sure, Ted Nicolaou directed a bunch of Full Moon stuff (Bad Channels, Dragonworld, the entire Subspecies series) and writer C. Courtney Joyner has written a bunch of Full Moon stuff (Puppet Master III, Doctor Mordrid, Trancers III, Lurking Fear) but Charles Band doesn't even consider this movie a part of the Puppet Master series. Is it because he's not involved? I don't know. One thing is for sure... this movie is a pile of shit.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Zombie Hunter (2013)

Starring: Martin Copping, Danny Trejo, and Clare Niederpruem

Homicidal Maniac: Zombies

Run time: 1:32:50

Quick Synopsis: A new drug is turning its users into zombies.  A group of survivors team up to try to stop the threat.

I think I am going to keep this review short because there really is not much too see here.  Movies like this are a dime a dozen at this point.  Its got all the normal ingredients: awful acting, shitty effects, no plot.  A lot of these movies can be fun but Zombie Hunter just made me feel indifferent to be honest.  I guess the lead has some entertainment value and a Trejo cameo is always fun, but nothing here is noteworthy (Trejo zombie-killing

Sunday, November 16, 2014

7 Nights of Darkness (2011)

Starring: Meredith Kochan, Allen Kellogg and Larry Nehring

Homicidal Maniac: Haley Moskowitz as Ghostly Girl/Julie Tylicki as Ghostly Woman

Run time: 1:30:24

Quick Synopsis:  Six people attempt to stay 7 nights at a haunted asylum in order to win $1 million.

This movie is truly as low budget as it gets, even for the horror genre.  When taking this into account I do not feel a real need to bash the movie.  And honestly it really is not too bad for what it is, which appears to be just a bunch of people who decided to make a movie.  The acting is not great, but there is nothing bad enough to make you want to change the channel and there are moments of decent suspense.  The effects are not good,

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003)

Director: Charles Band (as Robert Talbot)

Starring: Jacob Witkin, Kate Orsini

Run Time: 1:20

Rant: Fuck Puppet Master: The Legacy. Imagine watching all the Puppet Master movies and enjoying the fuck out of them. Imagine going to the video store and renting this in 2003. Imagine watching it... and it's just clips from the previous movies... no new story... just a fucking recap of what we already saw... FUCK THIS MOVIE!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Deliver Us from Evil (2014)

Starring: Eric Bana, Édgar Ramírez, and Joel McHale 

Homicidal Maniac: Sean Harris as Santino (Possessed by Demon) 

Run time: 1:58:00

Quick Synopsis: A New York City police officer teams up with a priest to help solve crimes that appear to be related to possessions.

There is nothing really new or special about Deliver Us From Evil, but that does not mean that it is entertaining.  Successfully making a exorcism/possession film using the correct techniques from past films is not always easy for filmmakers.  There are a lot of shitty films in this sub-genre and this is not one of them.  One element that does set the film

Retro Puppet Master (1999)

Director: David DeCoteau (as Joseph Tennent)

Starring: Greg Sestero, Brigitta Dau, Stephen Blackehart

Run Time: 1:20

Rant: David DeCoteau returns to direct the 7th (his 3rd) installment of the Puppet Master franchise. As we all know he likes to take the series down a different path with each movie so what could we possibly be in for this time? How about Egypt or France? Why the hell not?

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Curse of the Puppet Master (1996)

Director: David DeCoteau (as Victoria Sloan)

Starring: George Peck, Emily Harrison, Josh Green

Run Time: 1:30

Rant: Remember how wonderful Puppet Master III was? It's definitely one of the best in the series. Let's take the same director, David Decoteau, and try to recapture the magic for the 6th installment. What could go wrong? Fucking everything. This is the worst Puppet Master movie to date.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Starring: Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, and Mark Pickering

Homicidal Maniac: Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman

Run time: 1:45:00

Quick Synopsis: While investigating three murders, Constable Ichabod Crane discovers that the people of Sleepy Hollow may be right about the return of the Headless Horseman.

To be honest, I am not a huge fan of Tim Burton's work (I think this is the first time I have ever said this to anyone), however, Sleepy Hollow is not the reason that I hold this opinion.  One of the main reasons why I think this is the case is the fact I believe Burton's

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Cry_Wolf (2005)

Starring: Julian Morris, Lindy Booth, Jon Bon Jovi

Homicidal Maniac: The Wolf (Spoiler)

Run time: 1:30:00

Quick Synopsis: Students at a boarding school create a fictional serial killer that appears to have come to life.

Just like the game they play in the movie, Cry_Wolf is all about lies and deception.  Without spoiling too much of the movie, its goal is to trick the audience and make them question who really is The Wolf.  Honestly, as a PG-13 movie I expected complete trash that was made for a more mainstream audience than it is horror fans.  While it does feed

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter (1994)

Director: Jeff Burr

Starring: Gordon Currie, Chandra West, Ian Ogilvy

Run Time: 1:22

Rant: Where we last left off, the puppets had killed the Totems and the spirit of Andre Toulon told Rick Myers he was the new puppet master. Puppet Master 5 begins with Rick being accused of the murders that took place in the previous movie. He gets out on bail and with the help of Blade goes back to the Bodega Bay Inn to find the remaining puppets. At the same time Sutek, disappointed with his previous Totems, puts his soul into an extra badass Totem and starts killing people on earth. Once again the puppets have to band together to kill this evil force.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Pontypool (2008)

Starring: Stephen McHattie, Lisa Houle, and Georgina Reilly

Cause of Deaths: Deadly Virus

Run time: 1:36:24

Quick Synopsis: A radio host and his producer attempt to discover what is going on during an outbreak of a deadly virus in the small town of Pontypool.

Pontypool is a unique look into linguistics through the use of a zombie film.  There is an idea in the world that suggests that words have much more power than people understand.  These words can become infectious and cause negative outcomes on the people who use them.  This film takes this idea literally, creating a virus that spread through the use of certain words.  To enhance this message, the writer set the film within a radio station where the actions of the outside world are only explained through the callers to the

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Puppet Master 4 (1993)

Director: Jeff Burr

Starring: Gordon Currie, Chandra West, Jason Adams

Run Time: 1:19

Rant: This is one of my favorite awful horror movies. I don't really know why. Maybe it's because the puppets are straight up good guys. Sometimes you end up rooting for Jason or Chucky in these kind of movies with sequels but if they had actually turned good that would be terrible. With the puppets it's different. They're not good or evil. It depends on their master.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The House of the Devil (2009)

Starring: Jocelin Donahue, Tom Noonan, and Mary Woronov

Homicidal Maniac: The Ulmans (Mr., Mrs., Victor, and Mother)

Run time: 1:35:09

5 Word Synopsis:  Bad stuff happens to babysitter.

The goal of The House of the Devil was to pay homage to the most popular horror movie era, the 1970s and 1980s.  From the very beginning Ti West is able to accomplish his goal in an almost perfect fashion.  Everything appears to have been put into its proper place without it being forced like you might expect from a movie that's attempting to recreate a setting that is over 30 years.  The use of a 16 mm camera and other little tricks only add to