Monday, September 15, 2014

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)




Director: Wes Craven

Starring: John Saxon, Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund

Run Time: 1:31

Rant: Halloween is just around the corner and I'm flipping all the switches here at Awful Horror Movies. I've watched a lot of shitty, repulsive piles of dogshit awful horror movies for this site and honestly, it takes a shit load out of you. You watch so much garbage it gets to be overwhelming. You get to be depressed. Literally depressed. Not because the subject matter is dark, but because the quality is so bad. I figured why not treat myself go through my favorite horror franchise. Over the next few weeks I'll be reviewing all of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. I'll be doing the kill counts and terrible lines and all that good shit. We're gonna find out which ones are good, which ones are bad, and which ones are truly awful.



Halloween came out in 1978 and changed the fucking game. It cost peanuts to make, made a shit ton of money and re-invented the slasher genre we know and love today. So naturally it was ripped off constantly. Granted, there are some good ones: Friday the 13th... Friday the 13th Part II... Friday the 13th 3D... alright it got old pretty quick. There weren't many good slashers besides Halloween and Friday the 13th. The genre had to go fucking crazy and be creative. Which brings us to Freddy Krueger. How fucking frightening would it be if you could die in your dreams? Sleep is the single greatest thing on the planet and this fucking ugly ass pedophile burn victim takes the only joy in your miserable life away from you. What a cunt.

Let's get this out of the way: A Nightmare on Elm Street is my favorite horror movie of all time. At least tied with The Exorcist. I'm gonna gush like a bitch the whole review. Watching it again I realize if I had seen this when I was really, really young I would have had horrible nightmares. The sequels got silly, but this movie is scary as fuck.

I love the opening credits sequence. Freddy working away making his trademark glove. Who the fuck would get the idea to make something like that? Fucking sicko. The music gives me a nostalgia chill like none other. So creepy and great.

Not even 20 minutes in and we're graced with one of the greatest kills in horror movie history. It kicks off with what I think is the creepiest part of the movie. When Freddy's arms are stretched out and scraping his claws against the walls. That had to have been in one of Wes Craven's actual nightmares at some point. No one gets that sickening idea on purpose. Eventually after some finger chopping an face ripping, Tina gets her stomach shredded and dragged across the ceiling. That's some fucked up shit.

All the dream sequences in this movie are works of art. From the sheep to the crucifix to the boiler room to Freddy himself. All the iconic images all got their start here. As far as negatives go there aren't many. Aside from Rod, played by Jsu Garcia. He could have been better. Other than that and some corny 80s humor this is as close as perfect you can get. John Saxon is great as the creepy father and Robert Englund as Freddy, well fuck I don't have to say anything about that. I didn't even mention it's Johnny Depp's acting debut. A Nightmare on Elm Street is one of the best awful horror movies you can find.

Terrible lines: "Up yours with a twirling lawnmower." What the fuck does that even mean?

Kill Count:
Tina (17:23) Stomach slashed.
Rod (44:55) Hanged by bed sheets.
Glen (108:20) Sucked into his bed, which I'm pretty sure Freddy has turned into a blender.
Marge Thompson (1:24:52)

Ratings:
Horror Film: 10
Entertainment: 10
Gore: 9
Overall: 9.7



Check Out Reviews for the Rest of the Series Here

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