Thursday, September 25, 2014

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)



Director: Samuel Bayer

Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara

Run Time: 1:35

Rant: Ah, the horror movie remake. This day in age we can't get away from it. Why be creative? Let's take a character or characters everyone knows and loves and make a new version. We'll not only make it new, we'll make it extreme! No fun, just brutality! Rape! Dirty fingernails! The fucking kids will eat this shit up. We'll do Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Dawn of the Dead, Halloween, Friday the 13th. While we're at it, let's do A Nightmare on Elm Street.


Now, what's the difference between the Nightmare series and all the others? Leatherface and Michael Myers have pretty much been played by a different actor each movie. Kane Hodder is the best and most famous Jason, but he's only in 4 out of 12 Jason movies. Freddy Krueger? He's been played by 1 son of a bitch since his incarnation. Robert fucking Englund. If you watched every Nightmare on Elm Street movie, even if it was a terrible sequel, you were assured of one thing: Robert Englund will be incredible as Freddy Krueger. For this movie, that assurance is taken away from us. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big Jackie Earl Haley fan. He was great as Rorschach in The Watchmen, and really fucking creepy in Little Children (and you musn't forget 1991's wonderful sci-fi tale Dollman) but let's be fucking serious for a moment. This movie will be lacking no matter who plays Freddy. Robert DeNiro could play Freddy Krueger in 1976 and it still wouldn't be as brilliant as Robert Englund.

Now that I got that out of my system, let's take a look at the movie. I saw this in theaters when it came out back in 2010. I honestly didn't go into it with a prejudice. I had seen the Friday the 13th remake a year before and actually enjoyed it so I had a good taste in my mouth going in. The complaint I heard most was that it's too dark to be a Freddy movie but if you watch the original, it's just as dark.

None of the kills or dream sequences are memorable. They homage the Tina kill, but if you're gonna do that why not try and make it better? It's not that awful but it's nothing special. Rooney Mara was fantastic in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but fuck. I don't wanna say she's the shits but she isn't that good. Walks around like a fucking zombie the whole movie. Jackie Earle Haley is alright. It's a different Freddy but I don't think it's horrible.

So in this movie Freddy is a pedophile. Yeah. I guess you could sort of assume he was before but they never come out and say it and I guess that's easier to accept. I always assumed killing children was killing the future and being as evil as possible. Being a pedophile... I don't know, it's different. Of course killing kids is fucked up but a child molester... fuck that shit. It kind of kills my interest in this version of Freddy. It's just another way of trying to make these remakes more EXTREME! ROB ZOMBIE! RAPE!

Nothing pops in this movie. There's no moment that's memorable. Remember Freddy pulling Tina up the wall in the original? Remember Freddy peeling the skin back on his head in Freddy's Revenge? Remember Freddy shoving the girl's head in the television in Dream Warriors? I finished watching this movie 10 minutes ago and I don't remember shit. Fuck. This is just another mediocre awful horror movie.

Fun Facts: The great Clancy Brown is in this movie. Movie lovers will know him as The Kurgan in Highlander, Hadley in The Shawshank Redemption and Sergeant Zim in Starship Troopers. Fans of cartoons will know him as the voice of Lex Luthor from the Superman animated series and Mr. Krabbs from Spongebob.

Kill Count:
Dean (9:15) Freddy forces him to cut his own throat.
Kris (29:55) Thrown around the room and slashed across her body.
Jesse (40:13) Claw shoved though his back out his chest.
Gwen Holbrook (1:30:32) Stabbed through the back of the head out the face.

Ratings:
Horror film: 4.5
Entertainment: 5
Gore: 6.5
Overall: 5.1


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