Tuesday, September 16, 2014

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

Director: Jack Sholder

Starring: Robert Englund, Mark Patton, Kim Myers

Run Time: 1:27

Rant: Alright! How fucking amazing was A Nightmare on Elm Street? Scared the shit out of me, that's for sure. This is the sequel! We know how amazing horror movie sequels are, don't we? Twice the horror! Twice the suspense! Twice the gore! Twice the SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! This movie stinks like somebody pissed inside of a dead skunk's asshole. I would rather be fucked by Freddy Krueger with his disgusting, scabby, burn victim cock, than watch this piece of utter cat shit.

I think it goes without saying, if you were to ask me which was my least favorite of the series I would say Freddy's Revenge. For that reason I've seen it a lot fewer times than the others. That doesn't mean there aren't good parts. The school bus part at the beginning is really cool and Mark Patton who plays the film's lead does a pretty good job. Now on to the shit...

Okay, so it's years after the first movie takes place. This new kid Jesse and his family move into the old white house on Elm Street and Freddy starts to possess him and all that good shit. Now, there have been some theories online that the whole movie is a metaphor for Jesse coming to grips with the fact that he's gay. Watching it again... yeah this fucking dude is as gay as the day is long. This movie is literally gayer than Brokeback Mountain, but that isn't the reason this movie sucks so much dick. It's boring. A half hour in and all Freddy has done is talk. The only excitement we get (apart from sweaty teenage boys!) is a fucking pet bird exploding. What the hell is that?

There's a part where Jesse and his girlfriend Lisa go to the boiler room where Freddy used to take the children. I feel like they could have done something interesting with this scene, but all we get is Jesse opening up a stupid door and HOLY SHIT! A RAT! This movie has some neat ideas, but they don't seem fleshed out.

The effects are fucking great. An hour in and we're finally getting some good shit. The part when Freddy comes through Jesse was the only part I really remembered from seeing it years ago. You could watch two guys having sex for an hour, then put on the last 20 minutes of Freddy's Revenge and it would be the same experience as watching this movie in it's entirety. It will always be the black sheep of the franchise, mainly because Freddy doesn't really have this power in any of the other movies and no one dies in their dreams. They die in Jesse's dreams. At the end of the day we're 2 down, and a shit ton more to go. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, a disappointing awful horror movie.

Terrible Lines: "You've got the body... I've got the brain."

"Help yourself fucker."

Kill Count:
Coach Schneider (36:50) Back slashed.
Ron (1:00:01) Stabbed through stomach.
Random kid at party (1:08:41) Face slashed.
Random kid at party (1:09:25) Stabbed in stomach.
Kid trying to reason with Freddy (1:10:02) Slashed in chest and thrown into a grill.
Kerry (1:22:16) Claw shoved through body.

Horror film: 4
Entertainment: 4.5
Gore: 7
Overall Rating: 4.8

Check Out Reviews for the Rest of the Series Here