Sunday, September 28, 2014

Axeman at Cutter's Creek (2013)

Starring: Tiffany Shepis, Brinke Stevens, and Elissa Dowling

Homicidal Maniac: Scot Pollard as the Axeman

Run Time: 1:45:13

Quick Synopsis:  A group of friends take a trip where they find an unfriendly axeman.  

I'm sure I am not the first one to say this (you never know it might even exist already) but when are we as a society going to create a new subgenre of C-Horror Movies.  I mean it starts to become an insult to B-Horror classics when shit like this get grouped together with them.  I was trying to find ways to describe the awfulness of this movie a new way to spice it up, but couldn't think of anything special so I figured I would get some help from the writer/director Joston Theney.  On the website The Swerve Magazine, I found a nice little treat of an interview with the man.  Personally, I really thought this movie had to be a parody.  I
t had to be some guy trying to have a few laughs.  Nope.  This mother fucker actually thought the he was creating art.  So yeah want did the creative mastermind thinks about the importance of good characters, "When I watch a lot of these horror films, the really good ones have character development, and the really poor ones just play off the caricatures of the characters that you have seen before in the really good films."  I agree wholeheartedly.  Acknowledging this fact, I would everyone to know that Axeman at Cutter's Creek is one of the worst movies reviewed on this site.  There is not a single likable or relate-able character in the movie. (Unlike what is inferred in the article above)

The movie truly is a mess from the start.  The first scene has a group of apparent bank robbers getting killed off.  Seems like a great start until you realized the killer just appears out thin air in the middle of a room where these people have been sitting the entire time.  This shit happens the entire movie; I took it as a personal insult to be honest.  The axeman had a chance to be a decent villain but between scenes like that and other scenes where he opened his mouth to spew out some shit lines he becomes a joke and not in the over-the-top way that they were attempting him to go over.  This movie had to be cut be someone wearing a blindfold.  The sound effects may be worse. I swear they used the Crash Bandicoot box breaking sound effect at one point in the movie. Luckily there is enough stuff like that to make the movie an unintentionally entertaining awful horror movie.

(Not-so) Fun Fact: There is going to be a sequel.

Hidden Gem: A guy (the director/writer) appears to get his head stomped in, but during the movies final scene he appears with no apparent bruises from his beat down.

Total Kill Count:
Vale- Carlos Castillo (8:23) Ax pick through head Gore Rating: 4
Paulie- Ray Trickitt (8:41) Beer Bottle Through Eye/Offscreen Gore Rating: 5
Denise- Tiffany Shepis (9:13) Struck with Ax Multiple Times Gore Rating: 5
Randy- Nihilist Gelo (32:30) Head Ripped Off Gore Rating: 6
Doug- Dylan Hobbs (49:45) Cut in Half/Stabbed Repeatedly Gore Rating: 5
Liz- Erin Marie Hogan (1:18:04) Stabbed/Bones Ripped Out Gore Rating: 6
Sheriff Wopuzer- Brinke Stevens (1:16:25) Neck Twisted Backwards Gore Rating: 3
Brian- Stephen Eith (1:23:38) Head Ripped Open/Brain Pulled Out Gore Rating: 6
Vivian- Eliza Kiss (1:26:32) Stabbed Through Hand Into Head Gore Rating: 5
Darren- Joston Theney (1:29:35) Head Stomped In Gore Rating: 2
Cassidy- Chantelle Albers (1:32:50) Throat Slit Offscreen Gore Rating: 5
Stacy- Elissa Dowling (1:33:45) Stabbed as Scene is Cut Gore Rating: 1

*We got another "that mother fucker died, I don't care if you say differently" moment.  Technically withing the frame of the film, Darren did not die. 

            Horror Film: 3
            Entertainment: 5
            Gore: 6
            Overall: 4.25