Sunday, September 21, 2014

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

Director: Stephen Hopkins

Starring: Robert Englund, Lisa Wilcox, Kelly Jo Minter

Run Time: 1:29

Rant: At this point we should be thankful Freddy isn't in space or in the hood. It's as if they took everything from part 4 and cranked up the mediocre-meter to 11.

So the two most memorable heroes of all time, Alice and Dan, are back and guess what? They fucked and now she's gonna have a child. A dream child, eh? At the same time, Freddy resurrects his mother in a dream so he can be reborn... What? Either way, Freddy has returned and he is fantastic as usual. Robert Englund literally cannot have a bad scene as this character.

So Alice is having nightmares while she's awake and at this point she's gone from boring to annoying. I don't give a shit about her at all. Everyone around her, besides Dan who dies towards the beginning, is light years more interesting. They all do something, like play sports or draw or some bullshit. Alice does jack shit in both movies. Fucking boring cunt. Do you think they did that on purpose? Let's make the hero of the movie so goddamn boring that the audience roots for Freddy. I wouldn't be surprised. I'm sitting here twiddling my stupid thumbs waiting for Freddy to show up and half the time when he does, Alice saves them from being killed. Fuck that.

Spoiler alert! Why is Alice having nightmares while she's awake? She isn't. Her baby is. That's actually a pretty cool idea. I still don't really give a shit. Aside from Freddy (have I mentioned Robert Englund is amazing) and the always creative death scenes, this movie doesn't have jack shit going for it. Take The Dream Master and make it slightly worse, and you have this unmemorable awful horror movie.

Terrible lines: "Bon Appetit, bitch."

Kill Count:
Dan (29:29) Freddy manifests a motorcycle and crashes it.
Greta (41:08) Force fed food until she chokes to death.
Mark (1:08:29) Turned into a comic and shredded.

Horror film: 4
Entertainment: 6
Gore: 6.5
Overall Rating: 5.1

Check Out Reviews for the Rest of the Series Here

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