Friday, September 5, 2014

Pinocchio's Revenge (1996)

Starring: Rosalind Allen, Todd Allen, and Lewis Van Bergen

Homicidal Maniac:  Verne Troyer as Pinocchio

Run Time: 1:33:57

Quick Synopsis: A defense attorney acquires a Pinocchio doll from a client that was convicted of killing his son.  Soon the people around her start to come up injured and dead.

Like usual, no one in this awful horror movie is going to win any Oscars.  The first thirty plus minutes makes you feel like you are watching a Lifetime made-for-tv movie.  Other times it felt like an episode of Full House.  I swear Joey has a nice talk about Pinocchio with Stephanie Tanner 40 minutes into the fucking movie(watch the shit and tell me you don't see the resemblance...oh yeah that's right you never watched Full House...keep spreading that bull shit).  Sometimes the dialogue and mannerisms of the characters can become overwhelmingly awful.  Its pretty pathetic when an argument can be made that one of the child actors has the most skill.  However, once you get past these facts, you can see that this is a pretty well-written story.  The little added shittiness gives these movies character, you know.  

Anyway as the movie goes on, the audience can see shits about to go down.  Well forty-five minutes in that shit turns into a 8 year old girl getting trip into a fucking school bus.  Somehow this tough bitch survives with just a few scratches.  The scene is priceless. Moving on, I think it is important to not go into this movie expecting a normal killer doll movie or you are going to be disappointed.  If you look at this movie as more of a psychological horror film, you may enjoy this unexpectedly, watchable awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: This is Verne Troyer's first acting role.

Hidden Gem: Apparently during the filming, the Pinocchio doll would go missing a lot; so often Dana Klaren was credited as On-set Pinocchio Wrangler. 

Total Kill Count: 3
Vincent Gotto- Lewis Van Bergen (25:35) Electric Chair Gore Rating: 2
David- Todd Allen (1:09:01) Plug is Pulled Gore Rating: 0
Sophia- Candace McKenzie (1:21:08) Poker to the Head Gore Rating: 5

            Horror Film: 6
            Entertainment: 5
            Suspense: 5
            Overall:  5.5