Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Stitches (2012)

Starring: Ross Noble, Tommy Knight, Eoghan McQuinn

Homicidal Maniac: Ross Noble as Stitches

Run Time: 1:27:01

Quick Synopsis: After a party accident leads to the death of Stitches the clown, the group responsible must now fend off the killer clown after he returns.

Whenever I am in a bad mood, watching a movie like this can cheer me right up.  The acting is bad, the story is bad, the effects are bad, but the experience is amazing.  To call stitches over the top would be as big of an understatement as calling John Moser's reviews degrading to the filmmakers. (promoted) This film has the greatest in-school day-dream sequence that you will ever watch.  Not to spoil too much, but someones balls are ripped off.  If you are going to make a shitty horror movie, this is how you do it: over-the-top with solid comedy.  Just like most of the low budget movies like this there is not much action that takes between the opening sequence and the beginning of the killing 40 minutes later, but unlike most of those movies Stitches is able to keep you entertained despite the inexperience (and bad) acting.  Apparently Ross Noble is some comedian with a following, but this is the first time I had heard of him.  Anyway he gives an entertaining performance and although their acting is subpar so does the rest of the cast.  If you are going into this expecting a masterpiece (why the fuck are you on this site), you will be disappointed.  If you go into it expecting a fun low budget horror movie with good comedy, your night will not be ruined.  Overall this is an entertaining awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: Writer/Director Conor McMahon plays an uncredited pedestrian in the pedestrian (see what I did there) Edge of Darkness starring Mel Gibson. 

Hidden Gem: Tom (played by Tommy Knight) takes Hypnocil during the film, pay homage to the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.

Total Kill Count: 5
Stitches- Ross Noble (8:04) Butcher knife through the eye (twice) Gore Rating: 5
Paul- Hugh Mulhurn (47:40) Decapitated by a kick to the head Gore Rating: 7
Bulger-Thommas Kane Byrnes (52:17) Brain ripped out by can-opener + ice cream scoop Gore Rating: 8
Sara- Roisin Barron(58:20) Umbrella through the eye Gore Rating: 7
Richie- Eoghan McQuinn (1:05:10) Head Blown Up Gore Rating: 8

            Horror: 6
            Entertainment: 8
            Gore: 7
            Overall: 6.75