Friday, September 19, 2014

The ABCs of Death (2012)

Starring: Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Iván González, and Kyra Zagorsky

Homicidal Maniac:  

Run Time: 2:09:24

Quick Synopsis:  From the intro of the film: "The following feature film was created by 26 directors from around the world.  Each director was given a letter of the alphabet and asked to choose a word.  The then created a short tale of death that related to their chosen word.  They had complete artistic freedom regarding the content of their segments.

This is a pretty cool concept in theory, but it not something that is actually a good watch in my opinion.  The biggest issue is the fact the stories have to be so short to fit all 26 in and that takes away from the overall quality of each.  Even though they cut it short, the movie still drags on to over 2 hours because of the large number of stories.  There are a lot of entertaining vignettes but nothing that is must see.  For something like this to work, the movie has to have those must see moments.  By the time I was halfway through I was ready for it to be over.  A lot of them had similar ideas which is expected I guess with 26 shorts but it starts to get old, especially the comedy. It starts to feel like someone is telling the same joke over and over.  Its not any single directors fault but I guess it says something about their creativity as a whole.  This is a great concept but a tough to get into awful horror movie. 

Here is my ratings (I tried to be fair due to the time available) of the 26 Stories with a brief statement about each:

A is for Apocalypse:  Quick and right to the death; had some humor to it. 6/10

B is for Bigfoot: Fun story with a little irony 7/10

C is for Cycle: Possible Alice and Wonderland reference? Predictable ending 5/10

D is for Dogfight: Over-the-top comedy with some good laughs but no one likes man on dog violence (I understand the hypocrisy of that statement but its the truth) 5/10

E is for Exterminate: You knew where it was going to got from the start, maybe not the exact ending but nothing special for sure.  I guess if you have a thing for spiders it could be good. 4/10

F is for Fart: What the fuck did I just watch? 6/10

G is for Gravity: Understood the attempt but poorly done in my opinion. Should have used something different to weigh down. 4/10

H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion: "Red Hot Riding Hood" inspired World War II propaganda.  5/10

I is for Ingrown: A nice little metaphor I think...or I'm just thinking about it too much. 5/10

J is for Jidai-geki: Its tough to execute someone making silly face. 5/10

K is for Klutz: Some shit doesn't want to flush 4/10

L is for Libido: Pretty fucked up shit...especially the guys final round.  7/10

M is for Miscarriage: Quick little one...with a Surprise for the audience 6/10

N is for Nuptials: That damn bird just couldn't keep its mouth shut 6/10

O is for Orgasm: Seems like she was having a good time 4/10

P is for Pressure: Desperate people will do some fucked up shit 4/10

Q is for Quack: Good change of pace that probably portrayed most of these directors brainstorming accurately. 7/10

R is for Removed: Dark story of vengeance. 5/10

S is for Speed: Cheesy acting, seemed intentional, good twist.  6/10

T is for Toilet: Nothing would be worse then dying taking a shit 6/10

U is for Unearthed:  Pretty solid of chasing down a zombie/vampire type. 7/10

V is for Vagitus: Futurist Sci-Fi Story 8/10

W is for WTF!:  A mish-mash of crazy shit, didn't do much for me though 6/10

X is for XXL: Words can hurt too.  5/10

Y is for Young Buck: Janitor gets what he deserves from a young buck 6/10

Z is for Zetsumetsu: Penis everywhere.  A penis even made a nice soup. 5/10

Fun Fact: The end credits are over 11 minutes long due to all the different crews used in the movie.

Hidden Gem:  There is something red in the opening shot of each of the 26 short films.

Total Kill Count: 
Man- Miguel Insua (3:53) Stabbed in Neck with Butcher Knife Gore Rating: 7
Dulce- Alejandra Urdiain (10:50) Heart Ripped Out Gore Rating: 4
Bruno Matias Oviedo (15:40) Choked With Barbed-Wired Hose Gore Rating: 6
High School Girl B- Honoka Murakami (28:10) Breathing in Volcano Gas Gore Rating: 1
High School Girl C- Tomomi Sugai (28:10) Breathing in Volcano Gas Gore Rating: 1
Surfer (33:29) Drowning Gore Rating: 1
Samurai- Daisuke Sasaki (45:31) Decapitated by a Samurai Sword Gore Rating: 6
Animated Woman (49:23) Turd comes back up asshole and out mouth Gore Rating: 4
*Stopped Credited At This Point Because Too Tough to Get Faces To Names in Short Time Periods/Others Didn't Have Credits to MatchUncredited 
Man (51:18) Impalement Gore Rating: 8
Uncredited Man 2 (53:58) Impalement Gore Rating: 7
Woman (53:58) Spike through the head Gore Rating: 8
Shane (1:00:44) Cut up with a butcher knife Gore Rating: 5
Adam Wingard (himself) (1:14:03) Shot Gore Rating: 5
Simon Barrett (himself) (1:14:03) Shot Gore Rating: 5 
Doctor (1:17:48) Strangled with Chain Gore Rating: 6
Guy in a Suit (1:18:52) Stabbed in the chest. Gore Rating: 7
Another Guy in Suit (1:19:01) Shot Gore Rating: 5
Drug Addict (1:23:53) Drug Overdose Gore Rating: 3
Clay Woman (1:26:47) Eaten By a Toilet Gore Rating: 6
Clay Man (1:26:56) Eaten By a Toilet Gore Rating: 7
Clay Boy (1:28:12) Head Smashed In Gore Rating: 8
Woman with Glasses (1:29:13) Neck Bitten Gore Rating: 6
Terrorist Group (1:32:30) Shot up by a robot and a woman Gore Rating: 7
Woman Holding Baby (1:34:25) Shot up by robot Gore Rating: 6
Guy with Baby (1:34:25) Shot up by robot Gore Rating: 6
Baby (1:34:25) Eaten by robot Gore Rating: 7
Doctor (1:37:15) Shot Gore Rating: 5
Cast of WTF! (1:42:00) Decapitated/Stabbed/Eaten/Etc Gore Rating: 7
Janitor (1:52:12) Eyes Gouged Out by Deer Antlers/Decapitated Gore Rating: 8

3 Men (1:53:07) Shot by One Bullet Gore Rating: 6

            Horror Film: 5
            Entertainment: 4
            Gore: 6
            Overall: 5

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