Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Zombie Nation (2004)

Starring: Gunter Ziegler, Brandon Dean, and Axel Montgomery

Homicidal Maniac: Gunter Ziegler as Joe Singer

Run Time: 1:21:24

Quick Synopsis:  A pack of zombie woman come back to get revenge on a cop who kills the women he arrests.

What the fuck did I just watch?  I'm going to be honest, this is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever seen.  Both aesthetically and plot wise I don't think a movie could get much worse.  I am not certified enough to describe this movies awfulness.  I was truly dumbfounded.  I kept forgetting to pause during the kills to mark them down because I was just frozen by the awfulness.  It is below both the reader and myself to mention a single minute of the plot within this review.  Why is this on Netflix?  Why is this
anywhere, but a torture chamber?  There is not a single insult to say that could be considered hyperbole.  Fortunately, the budget for this film was only $1,500 (not a typo) so none of the kin of the filmmakers have to suffer further than knowing their father or niece took part in this shit show.  To be honest, I still do not think I should have used the word "fortunately" in that last sentence.  I'm sure some of you reading this will be intrigued. You will want to know what the big problem with this movie.  Just don't.  Do not watch this movie.  It hurts your head, your stomach, and your soul.  This is the worst awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: A cop taking a woman up into a warehouse while he tells his partner to stay in the car and then coming down without the woman and a large duffle bag that came out of nowhere is not suspicious.

Hidden Gem: The DVD box cover has nothing to do with this film.  Its not unusual for these shit films to use artwork not seen in the film (Mr. Jingles for example), but this is different. There is zero connection.

Total Kill Count:
Susan?- Victoria Ullmann (1:36) Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
Holly- Szilvi Naray-Davey (5:10) Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
My Ears (8:15)
Virginia- Karen Maxwell (15:25) Injected with Something Gore Rating: 1
My Mind (23:20)
Romy- Martina Bottesch (39:45) Injected with Something Gore Rating: 1
Joe- Gunter Ziegler (1:15:51) Eaten by Zombies Gore Rating: 3

            Horror Film: 1
            Entertainment: 2
            Gore: 1
            Overall: 1.25