Saturday, October 18, 2014

Dark Ride (2006)

Director: Craig Singer

Starring: Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Patrick Renna, David Clayton

Run Time: 1:34

Rant: Back in 2006 someone I knew let me borrow their copy of the After Dark Horrorfest DVD. I watched Dark Ride first because I knew a few of the actors and the cover looked cool. After watching it I gave them their DVD back. I should have smashed it with a cinder block. Nothing is worse than when you're watching an awful horror movie and it feels like same old, same old. Seen it once, seen it a million times.

Patrick Renna is in this. He played the enormous freckled kid from The Sandlot. He seriously looks identical to how he looked in 1993. That's the most disturbing part of the movie. Another disturbing part is the fact that Jamie-Lynn Sigler went from The Sopranos to this shit. She might as well throw herself in the garbage.

This movie is fucking caked with cliche's. I'm really not in the mood to put up with this shit right now. You're better off skipping ahead to when the kills start. Fuck, you're better off skipping this movie all-together. None of the characters are likeable at all. Get your checklist out: the stoner, the slut, the nerd, the hitchhiker. Good God. All the dialogue tries to be clever and cute but it's fucking annoying to the core. Imagine every time you someone opens their mouth it feels like you're being hit in the chest with a bowling ball.

I guess the blood is decent but there's only really one good kill. A girl gets her head cut off while she's blowing a guy. Other than that the film has no value. This is a horrendous awful horror movie.

Fun Facts: Ashley Tisdale's sister Jennifer Tisdale is in this. Who gives a fuck.

Horror Film: 4
Entertainment: 4
Gore: 5
Overall Rating: 4.2