Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Killjoy (2000)

Director: Craig Ross

Starring: Angel Vargas, Vera Yell, Lee Marks

Run Time: 1:12

Rant: Fucking Killjoy. I haven't seen this movie in forever. Killer clowns have always creeped me out. Ever since I watched Stephen King's It I've been searching for a clown as spooky as Pennywise. The cover of the VHS sure looks promising. Could this low-budget slasher compare to the great Stephen King?

Of course not. It's actually better than I remember but it's still a piece of shit. At least the clown on the cover looks like the clown that's in the movie. In the worthless Mr. Jingles, the cover could easily trick a naive youngster into thinking they've found a gem. As we all know, Mr. Jingles is anything but.

This is an urban themed slasher about a shy kid who likes a tough guy's girlfriend. The kid summons Killjoy through some kind of corny ritual and shortly after is accidentally killed by the tough guy. A year later Killjoy starts popping up and killing these idiots. Killjoy has his own sort of dream land like Freddy Krueger, but you don't have to be asleep to find it. I have to give the filmmakers credit for trying something like this but they ended up with some of the worst kills in slasher history. I would have much rather they attempted practical effects. There's nothing worse than bad digital stuff.

The highlight of this movie is the creepy Killjoy makeup. Everything else is dreadful. The effects are shit, the acting is garbage and the Killjoy character has some of the worst dialogue in the history of film. You'll be begging someone to put AIDS infected hypodermic needles in your ears. I'd rather lick the shit out of a fat guy's asshole than listen to this dreck.

It gets worse and worse the further you get into the movie. The ending may be the worst of all time. I'm actually sick to my stomach right now. Killjoy is an appropriately named awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: The film's director Craig Ross Jr. has directed episodes of Cold Case, Crossing Jordan, Prison Break, Bones and NCIS.

Terrible Lines: "You're one ugly motherfucker." You can't just lift a one-liner from a Schwarzenegger movie. Who isn't going to notice?

Horror Film: 3.5
Entertainment: 4.5
Gore: 1
Overall: 3.1