Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Series Review: Wishmaster (1997-2002)


Creators: Robert Kurtzman and Peter Atkins

Starring: Andrew Divoff, Tammy Lauren, Holly Fields, John Novac, Jason Connery, A.J. Cook, Michael Trucco, Tara Spencer-Nairn

Best Film: Wishmaster (1997)
Official Awful Rating: 7.5

Worst Film: Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell (2001)
Official Awful Rating: 3.7

Most Underrated: Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)
Official Awful Rating: 6.0

Best Kill:
Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)
Inmate (16:36) Pushed through prison bars.

Rant: It's obvious the movie Wishmaster was designed to have sequels like A Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th. It had already jumped the shark by part 2 but that didn't mean part 3 and on had to be as bad as they were. The first two movies are a very enjoyable ode to the slasher genre with a cool villain and nice looking kill scenes. There's a reason why the last two movies are the last two movies. There will probably never be another Wishmaster movie ever again because of how horrible of a taste they leave. It's such a shame too. Think of the possibilities with a story like this. Wish for anything and it can be granted, at the cost of your soul. I might as well go for it. My soul smells like shit anyways.

My first wish is that Andrew Divoff would have stuck around for at least one more movie. It seemed like he was having fun playing this character and it really shows on screen.

My second wish is that the effects for part 3 and 4 were better. I can forgive a moronic story and I can forgive dreadful acting but only if the kills look good. Parts 3 and 4 have some of the worst special effects I've ever seen.

My third and final wish is that I can forget parts 3 and 4 exist. They're so bad it makes me sick. I'd rather have a homeless man smash my piss slit with a hammer than watch those pathetic piles of genie shit.

And with my third wish an army of Djinn are released onto the world. I kinda wish they would have made a movie where that happens but there will probably never be another Wishmaster movie. You never know, though. Mother's Day and Prom Night got remade. I guess anything is possible.