Saturday, October 4, 2014

The Reeds (2009)

Starring: Anna Brewster, Geoff Bell, and Daniel Caltagirone 

Run Time: 1:25:59

Quick Synopsis: A group of Londoners get more than they bargained for when they go on a weekend boating trip.

This is the kind of movie where you can tell that the filmmaker is attempting to show how smart he is with a "clever" plot and and even smarter twists.  Instead the guy just makes himself look like a complete fool to anyone with an average level of intelligence.  There really are so many things wrong with this movie.  One of the earliest flaws comes in the form of the ghosts that the writer attempts to trick the viewer into believing are still alive, but then ten minutes later reveals that they are no longer living.  Then its like the director did not even acknowledge this reveal.  I'm assuming that they were attempting to create some type of ambiguity, however, all it does is annoy the shit out of anyone that has a brain.  So for the next 40 minutes these supernatural beings cause the deaths of 4 people, and then the audience is sloppily presented with a human antagonist that no one has anytime to care about or want to care about.  The next twist is not that interesting but at least it gave some closure to the film.  That closure is then thrown away with one final twist that pretty much is just a "fuck you" to anyone that wanted to respect what the film was trying to do, even if they didn't agree with some of the concepts used in the film.  There is very little mystery or suspense built within the film although I am almost certain there was an intention to create it.  The acting is average to below average across the bored.  The fact that the accents are not something I here on a daily basis since I am from the US might allow some of the actors to get away with bad delivery.  I only bring this up because as the movie goes on I start to recognize poor acting more rapidly.  This is a too cute for its own good awful horror movie.

Fun Fact:  There is a completely pointless after credits scene that add nothing to anything anyone in the world cares about.

Hidden Gem:  The credits end with this statement, "The characters and incidents portrayed and the names herein are fictitious and any similarity to the name, character and history of any person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and unintentional." I'm glad they cleared up the fact that a movie about supernatural reeds that create ghosts and infinite loops is not based on fact.  Really going to help me sleep at night.

Total Kill Count: 5
Chris- Will Mellor (42:48) Stomach Pierced By Sharp Metal Gore Rating: 6
Mel- Emma Catherwood (48:28) Burned Alive when Boat Blows Up Gore Rating: 2
Helen- Scarlett Johnson (55:13) Multiple Machete Strikes Gore Rating: 7
Joe- Daniel Caltagirone (55:45) Throat Cut/Drowns Gore Rating: 5
Croker- Geoff Bell (1:17:15) Shotgun/Offscreen Gore Rating: --

*There were five addition hallucination-type kills, all the result of being shot by a shot gun.

            Horror Film: 4
            Entertainment: 4
            Suspense: 3
            Overall: 3.75