Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Uncle Sam (1996)

Director: William Lustig

Starring: William Smith, David 'Shark Fralick, Christopher Ogden

Run Time: 1:29

Rant: This movie scared the fuck out of me when I was 8. Watching it again is like digging up a 15 year old piece of shit in the back yard of my brain. I'm actually surprised I remember as much of it as I do. I just don't remember it being so awful.

The tagline is "I want you... dead!" That should sum up the review but I'll try to crank out a few more sentences. This guy Sgt. Sam Harper was killed by friendly fire. One of the main character's is his nephew, making him Uncle Sam. Clever. So they find his body in Kuwait and send it back. I've personally never had anyone close to me die in battle but when the family receives the body do they usually keep the coffin in the living room like a coffee table? What the fuck is that shit?

The first half and the second half of the movie are completely different. If you caught the first half on Showtime or Starz or something you would assume it was a drama. Fucking 45 minutes of worthlessness. The performances are mediocre but not terrible. All that's good for is boring you out of your mind. Some of the stuff is almost interesting but nothing special.

The second half is where Uncle Sam starts terrorizing everyone. The kills are shit. They're all cutaways. There's a kid in a potato sack race who trips and rolls down a hill. He gets lost in the woods. Uncle Sam finds him and cuts off his head. That scene disturbed me when I was a kid but watching now it's pretty laughable. Probably the best kill in the movie though.

But enough fucking around, guys. Let's not focus on a good story with in-depth characters and creative special effects. Let's focus on the questions at hand! What is the government's real agenda? Is the United States the bad guys? Are soldiers heroes? Or are they lunatics that just want to kill? The only answer I have is to whether or not this is a good movie. It's not. I want you... to take a shit on this awful horror movie.

Fun Facts: Isaac Hayes plays one of the film's lead heroes and Robert Forster has a bit role.

Horror Film: 4.5
Entertainment: 5
Gore: 5
Overall Rating: 4.7