Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Wishmaster (1997)

Director: Robert Kurtzman

Starring: Tammy Lauren, Andrew Divoff, Robert Englund

Run Time: 1:30

Rant: Why not start another series review? There are so many awful horror series out there we might as well get a few of them under our belt. I haven't seen the Wishmaster movies in a long time and I don't remember much of them. Is that a bad thing? Probably, but the poster says "Wes Craven Presents Wishmaster." There is hope to be had.

Good God. How many genre cameos do you need in a movie? I love all these guys but fuck. Robert Englund, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd, Angus Scrimm and a bunch of other horror related fucks. I already mentioned Wes Craven produced it. If Clive Barker wrote it, George Romero directed it and Tom Savini did special effects we'd be all set. Unfortunately they don't. That doesn't mean this is a bad movie.

Alright, so right off the bat they explain to you what a Djinn actually is. It's basically an evil God-like creature with unlimited power. If you wake a Djinn you're granted three wishes but if it grants your third wish it unleashes an army of Djinn onto the world. If you watch the opening scene you wouldn't like one Djinn in the world, let alone a legion.

We're in ancient Persia and shit is going haywire. An emperor wishes for the Djinn to show him his power and naturally the awful Djinn shows him some horrific shit. Some lady being turned into a tree, a guy's skeleton coming out of his body, a guy being turned into a snake. The effects are really good in this scene. Disgusting stuff. Then a sorcerer traps the Djinn in a jewel before the emperor can make his third wish. We cut to present day where the jewel has been found by this girl Alex. She wakes the Djinn from the jewel and we're off.

Most of the movie Djinn takes a human form. That sounds like it sucks assholes but actor Andrew Divoff does a great job. He's a charming creep as a human and a disgusting creep as the Djinn. The costume is fantastic. The scene where he manifests from the jewel is really well done.

Some of the kills are done digitally and they look like shit. I think it's what keeps this movie from being considered a classic. That and I find the lead Tammy Lauren to be incredibly annoying. Also, some of the Djinn's dialogue is so-so. He says things I don't think an eternal being would say such as "Fuck it," and "the shit just hit the fan, didn't it?"

This movie is crazy. From the ridiculous opening to the just as ridiculous climax it's fucking relentless. I have some nitpicks but fuck that shit. We're talking about a goddamn slasher. This is an extremely fun awful horror movie..

Kill Count:
Persian Party Guest (3:55) Turned into a wall.
Persian Party Guest (4:29) Monster rips through stomach.
Persian Party Guest (4:52) Skeleton comes through body.
Ed Finney (8:50) Crushed by a crate.
Josh (20:00) Killed off-screen.
Pharmacist (25:44) Given tumors and killed.
Ariella (41:32) Turned into a mannequin.
Cop (44:27) Shot to death.
Cop (44:28) Shot to death.
Cop (45:10) Jaw ripped off.
Criminal (45:18) Shot to death.
Security Guard (47:51) Turned into glass and broken.
Merritt's Mother (50:29) Airplane explodes.
Wendy (1:00:17) Face skinned.
Johnny Valentine (1:09:56) Drowned in a tank.
Party Guest (1:11:55) Turned to glass and broken.
Party Guest (1:12:04) Glass shoved into face.
Party Guest (1:12:08) Statue comes to life and kills him.
Party Guest (1:12:09) Poker shoved into face.
Party Guest (1:12:35) Decapitated by piano wire.
Party Guest (1:13:12) Set on fire.
Party Guest (1:13:38) Throat ripped apart.
Party Security (1:17:04) Slashed with a sword.
Party Security (1:17:32) Smashed in the face by a mace.
Party Security (1:17:42) Stabbed in the stomach.
Party Security (1:18:22) Throat cut.

Horror Film: 6.5
Entertainment: 8.5
Gore: 8.5
Overall Rating: 7.5