Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Greenskeeper (2002)

Starring: Allelon Ruggiero, Bruce Taylor, and Ron Lester 

Homicidal Maniac: John Rocker as the Greenskeeper (or maybe not wink, wink)

Run Time: 1:20:38

Quick Synopsis: Killer Greenskeeper: Enough Said

So this morning I was on the hunt for something really awful and that allowed me to come across this little gem.    So the movie starts with Allen Anderson in bed getting ready to get up...and then my mind is blown.  I say to myself, "this must be a dream," but I wasn't talking about the fact I was in a dream sequence.  I was talking about the man whole was now on my screen: John Rocker.  As a baseball fan, the excited that came out of me when I saw the horrendously awful human being and former pitcher John Rocker on my screen cannot be described with words.  When it comes to hate-able baseball players, John Rocker is hall of fame worthy.  Sometimes things are just met to be.  A minute into the movie my day was made.  The opening credits is the greatest compilation of corny intros that I have ever seen.  Whoever created this soundtrack better have job somewhere in comedy right now, that alone makes this movie watchable.  

Thursday, November 27, 2014

House of the Dead (2003)

Starring: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, and Clint Howard

Homicidal Maniac: David Palffy as Castillo

Run time: 1:30:00

Quick Synopsis:  A group of ravers must find a way to survive on an island that has begun to be infested with zombies.

While watching this movie I asked myself' "Am I really going to be forced to defend this shit-show?"  Don't get me wrong the movie is complete trash, with almost zero redeeming qualities.  The acting and dialogue is awful, the plot is pretty nonexistent and directing and editing are just plain silly.  However, I still think that I gets a bad rap (Rated as the fifteenth worst movie on IMDB).  I mean at least they tried to do something different, right? Right?  I mean how could you not be entertained by the big zombie killing

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012)

Director: Charles Band

Starring: Kip Canyon, Jean Louise O'Sullivan, Oto Brezina

Run Time: 1:26

Rant: Here we have (as of now) the final Puppet Master film. It strange to think this is the first installment directed by Charles Band. That is of course if we don't count the dreadful Puppet Master: The Legacy. Axis Rising is a direct sequel to Axis of Evil taking place a day after the events of the previous movie. Right off the bat we have some issues. All the fucking actors are different. Not a single one returns. I'm sure that's something Charles Band had no control over but it's really jarring. In the previous movie the evil Japanese dragon lady Ozu steals Jester, Tunneler and Leech Woman from Danny Coogan but in this movie she only stole Tunneler. It's not a big deal but watching these movies back to back is something you shouldn't do.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Frailty (2001)

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Powers Boothe and Matt O'Leary

Homicidal Maniac: Bill Paxton as Dad Meiks

Run time: 1:40:00

Quick Synopsis: A man tells the story of his father and the murders his father committed.

Nothing is better than finding a movie that just does everything well.  It might not be flashy or win many awards but Frailty is just solid all the way around.  Honestly there are very few flaws in Frailty.  All the lead actors perform well above average, even the child actors who are given a lot of screen time and could have easily ruined the entire movie.  They are not perfect but are both convincing in their portrayals.  Even after acknowledging that everyone gave good performance, Bill Paxton still steals the show as

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)

Director: David DeCoteau

Starring: Levi Fiehler, Jenna Gallaher, Taylor M. Graham

Run Time: 1:23

Rant: 6 years have passed since the abortions known as Puppet Master: The Legacy and Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys. Who do you turn to when you need another installment? David fucking DeCoteau. And why not? He hasn't directed a Puppet Master since 1999's Retro. Axis of Evil is another period piece.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

6 Souls (2009)

Starring: Julianne Moore, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and Jeffrey DeMunn

Homicidal Maniac: Reverend Moore

Run time: 1:52:00

Quick Synopsis: A psychiatrist has a patient with multiple personalities that all appear to be murder victims.

I'm really  surprised that this movie has thrown under the radar for the past few years.  It has an interesting premise, a solid budget and a few actors that have made a name for themselves.  Logic would suggest that given these fact the movie must be awful, but that truly is not the case.  I would put the first hour or so of this film up there with the upper tier of psychological thrillers that I have seen.  The acting is solid, especially Jonathan

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004)

Director: Ted Nicolaou

Starring: Corey Feldman, Vanessa Angel, Danielle Keaton

Run Time: 1:28

Rant: Here we have the most unique Puppet Master movie to date. Is it a stand alone story that ignores the films before it? No. Is it set in some wacky place or time where we've yet to see the puppets? No. Then why the fuck is it so unique? Because Charles Band and Full Moon have absolutely nothing to do with this movie. Sure, Ted Nicolaou directed a bunch of Full Moon stuff (Bad Channels, Dragonworld, the entire Subspecies series) and writer C. Courtney Joyner has written a bunch of Full Moon stuff (Puppet Master III, Doctor Mordrid, Trancers III, Lurking Fear) but Charles Band doesn't even consider this movie a part of the Puppet Master series. Is it because he's not involved? I don't know. One thing is for sure... this movie is a pile of shit.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Zombie Hunter (2013)

Starring: Martin Copping, Danny Trejo, and Clare Niederpruem

Homicidal Maniac: Zombies

Run time: 1:32:50

Quick Synopsis: A new drug is turning its users into zombies.  A group of survivors team up to try to stop the threat.

I think I am going to keep this review short because there really is not much too see here.  Movies like this are a dime a dozen at this point.  Its got all the normal ingredients: awful acting, shitty effects, no plot.  A lot of these movies can be fun but Zombie Hunter just made me feel indifferent to be honest.  I guess the lead has some entertainment value and a Trejo cameo is always fun, but nothing here is noteworthy (Trejo zombie-killing

Sunday, November 16, 2014

7 Nights of Darkness (2011)

Starring: Meredith Kochan, Allen Kellogg and Larry Nehring

Homicidal Maniac: Haley Moskowitz as Ghostly Girl/Julie Tylicki as Ghostly Woman

Run time: 1:30:24

Quick Synopsis:  Six people attempt to stay 7 nights at a haunted asylum in order to win $1 million.

This movie is truly as low budget as it gets, even for the horror genre.  When taking this into account I do not feel a real need to bash the movie.  And honestly it really is not too bad for what it is, which appears to be just a bunch of people who decided to make a movie.  The acting is not great, but there is nothing bad enough to make you want to change the channel and there are moments of decent suspense.  The effects are not good,

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003)

Director: Charles Band (as Robert Talbot)

Starring: Jacob Witkin, Kate Orsini

Run Time: 1:20

Rant: Fuck Puppet Master: The Legacy. Imagine watching all the Puppet Master movies and enjoying the fuck out of them. Imagine going to the video store and renting this in 2003. Imagine watching it... and it's just clips from the previous movies... no new story... just a fucking recap of what we already saw... FUCK THIS MOVIE!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Deliver Us from Evil (2014)

Starring: Eric Bana, Édgar Ramírez, and Joel McHale 

Homicidal Maniac: Sean Harris as Santino (Possessed by Demon) 

Run time: 1:58:00

Quick Synopsis: A New York City police officer teams up with a priest to help solve crimes that appear to be related to possessions.

There is nothing really new or special about Deliver Us From Evil, but that does not mean that it is entertaining.  Successfully making a exorcism/possession film using the correct techniques from past films is not always easy for filmmakers.  There are a lot of shitty films in this sub-genre and this is not one of them.  One element that does set the film

Retro Puppet Master (1999)

Director: David DeCoteau (as Joseph Tennent)

Starring: Greg Sestero, Brigitta Dau, Stephen Blackehart

Run Time: 1:20

Rant: David DeCoteau returns to direct the 7th (his 3rd) installment of the Puppet Master franchise. As we all know he likes to take the series down a different path with each movie so what could we possibly be in for this time? How about Egypt or France? Why the hell not?

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Curse of the Puppet Master (1996)

Director: David DeCoteau (as Victoria Sloan)

Starring: George Peck, Emily Harrison, Josh Green

Run Time: 1:30

Rant: Remember how wonderful Puppet Master III was? It's definitely one of the best in the series. Let's take the same director, David Decoteau, and try to recapture the magic for the 6th installment. What could go wrong? Fucking everything. This is the worst Puppet Master movie to date.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Starring: Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, and Mark Pickering

Homicidal Maniac: Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman

Run time: 1:45:00

Quick Synopsis: While investigating three murders, Constable Ichabod Crane discovers that the people of Sleepy Hollow may be right about the return of the Headless Horseman.

To be honest, I am not a huge fan of Tim Burton's work (I think this is the first time I have ever said this to anyone), however, Sleepy Hollow is not the reason that I hold this opinion.  One of the main reasons why I think this is the case is the fact I believe Burton's

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Cry_Wolf (2005)

Starring: Julian Morris, Lindy Booth, Jon Bon Jovi

Homicidal Maniac: The Wolf (Spoiler)

Run time: 1:30:00

Quick Synopsis: Students at a boarding school create a fictional serial killer that appears to have come to life.

Just like the game they play in the movie, Cry_Wolf is all about lies and deception.  Without spoiling too much of the movie, its goal is to trick the audience and make them question who really is The Wolf.  Honestly, as a PG-13 movie I expected complete trash that was made for a more mainstream audience than it is horror fans.  While it does feed

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter (1994)

Director: Jeff Burr

Starring: Gordon Currie, Chandra West, Ian Ogilvy

Run Time: 1:22

Rant: Where we last left off, the puppets had killed the Totems and the spirit of Andre Toulon told Rick Myers he was the new puppet master. Puppet Master 5 begins with Rick being accused of the murders that took place in the previous movie. He gets out on bail and with the help of Blade goes back to the Bodega Bay Inn to find the remaining puppets. At the same time Sutek, disappointed with his previous Totems, puts his soul into an extra badass Totem and starts killing people on earth. Once again the puppets have to band together to kill this evil force.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Pontypool (2008)

Starring: Stephen McHattie, Lisa Houle, and Georgina Reilly

Cause of Deaths: Deadly Virus

Run time: 1:36:24

Quick Synopsis: A radio host and his producer attempt to discover what is going on during an outbreak of a deadly virus in the small town of Pontypool.

Pontypool is a unique look into linguistics through the use of a zombie film.  There is an idea in the world that suggests that words have much more power than people understand.  These words can become infectious and cause negative outcomes on the people who use them.  This film takes this idea literally, creating a virus that spread through the use of certain words.  To enhance this message, the writer set the film within a radio station where the actions of the outside world are only explained through the callers to the

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Puppet Master 4 (1993)

Director: Jeff Burr

Starring: Gordon Currie, Chandra West, Jason Adams

Run Time: 1:19

Rant: This is one of my favorite awful horror movies. I don't really know why. Maybe it's because the puppets are straight up good guys. Sometimes you end up rooting for Jason or Chucky in these kind of movies with sequels but if they had actually turned good that would be terrible. With the puppets it's different. They're not good or evil. It depends on their master.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The House of the Devil (2009)

Starring: Jocelin Donahue, Tom Noonan, and Mary Woronov

Homicidal Maniac: The Ulmans (Mr., Mrs., Victor, and Mother)

Run time: 1:35:09

5 Word Synopsis:  Bad stuff happens to babysitter.

The goal of The House of the Devil was to pay homage to the most popular horror movie era, the 1970s and 1980s.  From the very beginning Ti West is able to accomplish his goal in an almost perfect fashion.  Everything appears to have been put into its proper place without it being forced like you might expect from a movie that's attempting to recreate a setting that is over 30 years.  The use of a 16 mm camera and other little tricks only add to

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge

Director: David DeCoteau

Starring: Guy Rolfe, Richard Lynch, Ian Abercrombie

Run Time: 1:26

Rant: If you thought that Puppet Master II was a re-hash of the first Puppet Master, hold on to your assholes because this movie just changed the fucking game. Say goodbye to the Bodega Bay Inn and say goodbye to the 1990s because we're in fucking Nazi Germany.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Le Fear II: Le Sequel (2015)

Director: Jason Croot

Starring: Kyri Saphiris, Seye Adelekan, and Hadrien Mekki

Run time: 1:29:49

Quick Synopsis: Director Carlos Revalos attempts to make a sequel to his original unsuccessful film, Le Fear.  Once again things do not appear to be going well.

I guess, since this is a site that is supposed to review horror movies, I should start the review by explaining that this is not a horror movie.  There is still some connection to the site since the movie is about the filming of a horror movie and the comedy within the film revolves that subject.  There have been many times in our reviews where we question how a director would allow something so awful into their movie or ask how anyone would think the product they have created would have any value to the audience.  Le Fear II

Puppet Master II (1990)

Director: David Allen

Starring: Elizabeth Maclellan, Collin Bernsen, Steve Welles

Run Time: 1:28

Rant: In the last movie Neil Gallagher had found Andre Toulon's secret serum that gave inanimate objects life. He even used it on himself to become immortal. But he wasn't immortal. He turned on the puppets and in doing so the puppets turned on him and killed him. Now what are they supposed to do? They have no master. Why not just resurrect Andre Toulon? How the fuck could that hurt?

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Puppet Master (1989)

Director: David Schmoeller

Starring: Paul Le Mat, William Hickey, Irene Miracle

Run Time: 1:30

Rant: Sum up the Puppet Master franchise in one word: fun. This series is probably my favorite behind the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th movies. Puppets have always interested me and these ones have really unique designs. By no means are these films perfect but if you have nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon, popping in a Puppet Master movie will certainly cure your boredom and really entertain you.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Beneath (2013)

Starring: Jeff Fahey, Kelly Noonan, and Joey Kern

Homicidal Maniac: Possessed Coal miners? Ghost? Hallucinations? Something?

Run time: 1:29:00

Quick Synopsis: As crew of coal miners find themselves trapped 600 feet under ground, they begin to turn on each other as they go further and further into madness.

Sometimes when you watch a movie you cannot put the proper finger on what you don't like about a movie, but you just come to an understanding that is not a good movie.  While watching you may tell yourself that the acting isn't too bad or I guess that was kinda cool, but in the end all you really are doing is creating a curve based on your initial expectation.  This happen to me while watching Beneath. I know this sounds stupid,