Thursday, November 27, 2014

House of the Dead (2003)

Starring: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, and Clint Howard

Homicidal Maniac: David Palffy as Castillo

Run time: 1:30:00

Quick Synopsis:  A group of ravers must find a way to survive on an island that has begun to be infested with zombies.

While watching this movie I asked myself' "Am I really going to be forced to defend this shit-show?"  Don't get me wrong the movie is complete trash, with almost zero redeeming qualities.  The acting and dialogue is awful, the plot is pretty nonexistent and directing and editing are just plain silly.  However, I still think that I gets a bad rap (Rated as the fifteenth worst movie on IMDB).  I mean at least they tried to do something different, right? Right?  I mean how could you not be entertained by the big zombie killing
sequence.  That alone gives it some value.  It made zero sense and guns just random appeared, in addition to switching mid-scene (Karma has a handgun that becomes a shotgun).  As long as you are not prone to seizures, I think anyone would find joy and watching the scene.  I mean who doesn't like a movie with such drama as the worlds number one underwear model having his face scarred.  You feel for the guy man, its heartbreaking.  What is he going to do now?  His life's work is over...fuck the people have been killed, fuck the zombies.  His face got scarred.  Honestly though, I have seen worse. I've reviewed worst.  This is not the most awful horror movie.  

Fun Fact: The movie is a prequel to the arcade game of the same name.  The opening credits to the movie show game-play from both the arcade and Dreamcast games.  There are additional cuts to game-play throughout the film.

Hidden Gem:  There are five different kinds of zombies within the film.

Total Kill Count: 14
Matt- Steve Byers (16:00) Zombie Rips through Stomach Gore Rating: 4
Johanna- Erica Parker (16:00) Attacked By Zombies Gore Rating: 1
Cynthia- Sonja Salomaa (28:00) Attacked by Zombies Gore Rating: 1
Hugh- Michael Eklund (34:00) Neck Snapped Gore Rating: 2
Captain- Jay Brazeau (46:00) Choked with Chain Gore Rating: 1
Greg- Will Sanderson (50:00) Mauled by Zombies Gore Rating: 1
Liberty- Kira Clavell (1:00:00) Attacked by Zombies Gore Rating: 2
Casper- Ellie Cornell (1:02:00) Axed Up by Zombies Gore Rating: 5
Salish- Cling Howard (1:14:00) Shot in Head Gore Rating: 5
Kirk- Jurgen Prochnow (1:15:00) Blows Himself Up with Dynamite Gore Rating: 1
Simon- Tyron Leitso (1:17:00) Dies in Explosion Gore Rating: 1
Karma- Enuka Okuma (1:20:00) Eaten by Zombies Gore Rating: 1

             Horror Film: 3
             Entertainment: 5
             Gore: 3
             Overall: 3.5