Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004)

Director: Ted Nicolaou

Starring: Corey Feldman, Vanessa Angel, Danielle Keaton

Run Time: 1:28

Rant: Here we have the most unique Puppet Master movie to date. Is it a stand alone story that ignores the films before it? No. Is it set in some wacky place or time where we've yet to see the puppets? No. Then why the fuck is it so unique? Because Charles Band and Full Moon have absolutely nothing to do with this movie. Sure, Ted Nicolaou directed a bunch of Full Moon stuff (Bad Channels, Dragonworld, the entire Subspecies series) and writer C. Courtney Joyner has written a bunch of Full Moon stuff (Puppet Master III, Doctor Mordrid, Trancers III, Lurking Fear) but Charles Band doesn't even consider this movie a part of the Puppet Master series. Is it because he's not involved? I don't know. One thing is for sure... this movie is a pile of shit.

First let's talk about the Demonic Toys. They're basically a ripoff of Puppet Master but created by the same film company. We have Baby Oopsie Daisy, a foul mouthed baby doll. Jack Attack, a hideous jack-in-the-box and Grizzly Teddy, a vicious looking teddy bear. It's a fun series of movies and it seems only natural they would square off against the puppets at some point. I just wish it were in a better movie.

Corey Feldman plays Robert Toulon (great grand nephew of Andre) and gives a fun performance. He and his daughter Alexandra have a puppet shop where they fix toys and all that bullshit. There's this toymaker named Erica Sharpe who has her own company and is in possession of the demonic toys. They give her a hard time and she just wants toys that will do whatever she says so she tries to get Andre Toulon's formula from the Toulons by kidnapping Alexandra. She's also planning on releasing a bunch of demonic toys to the public on Christmas. Robert, with the help of the puppets and a police Sergeant, must stop them. I actually don't think the story is as bad as it could be but there are things I can't ignore that make this movie awful.

There are only four puppets in this movie but with the addition of the Demonic Toys you can forgive that. The only problem is there's no fucking Tunneler. What the fuck? This is the only Puppet Master flick without him. That's shit. I'd be happy if I were him though. These puppets look horrible. Blade looks like a bobblehead. Six Shooter looks like Super Mario. Pinhead's face looks like a dog took a shit in an old woman's vagina and Jester has to be seen to be believed. They're like the knock off brand's version of the puppets we're familiar with. It's an utterly pathetic effort. I can't believe the Demonic Toys look even worse! Look at Jack-Attack on the cover!!! What the hell is wrong with these people? When you watch these movies all you want to see is good looking puppets and great effects and this movie shits the bed when it comes to both of those things. Eventually the puppets get cyber forms and they're just laughably bad. Seeing them makes me want to cut my eyes out with a steak knife.

A Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys movie has so much potential. Think of the stories and possibilities of what could happen when these great creations meet. Instead they give us this bag of vomit covered in shit with puppets that look terrible, toys that look dreadful and special effects that make you sick. Fuck. The puppets and the demonic toys only fight for like 3 minutes tops. This is a horrendous awful horror movie.

Terrible Lines: "By the way, I promised Alexandra's blood to a demon named Bael."

Puppet Checklist:
Six Shooter

Puppet Master:
Robert Toulon

Kill Count:
Christine (27:26) Put into a machine and blood drained.
Henchman (1:14:32) Shot with a laser by Six Shooter.
Henchman (1:14:33) Shot in the head with a laser by Six Shooter.
Julian (1:15:51) Jack Attack laughes at a high pitch and kills him.
Claudia (1:18:18) Thrown into a pit.

Horror Film: 4.5
Entertainment: 6.5
Gore: 2
Overall: 4.3