Thursday, November 13, 2014

Retro Puppet Master (1999)

Director: David DeCoteau (as Joseph Tennent)

Starring: Greg Sestero, Brigitta Dau, Stephen Blackehart

Run Time: 1:20

Rant: David DeCoteau returns to direct the 7th (his 3rd) installment of the Puppet Master franchise. As we all know he likes to take the series down a different path with each movie so what could we possibly be in for this time? How about Egypt or France? Why the hell not?

We start off in 1944 in Switzerland right after what happened in Puppet Master III. Andre Toulon is telling the puppets some stories about the good old days. We bounce back to Cairo, Egypt in 1892 where our old friend Sutek discovers a sorcerer named Afzel who's found his secrets. Sutek resurrects some mummies to use as servants and we shoot forward to 1902 where the main story takes place. Andre Toulon is doing his puppet show in Paris, France. Afzel is beaten by the mummies and finds help from Toulon. Before the sorcerer dies he tells Toulon the secrets of life and now a young Andre Toulon and his living puppets must defeat the mummies.

We see Blade, Pinhead, Jester, Tunneler, Leech Woman and Six Shooter for a little bit but this movie focuses on the puppets Toulon made in the late 1800s. Now we have Retro Blade, Retro Pinhead, Retro Six Shooter, Drill Sergeant (Retro Tunneler), Cyclops and Dr. Death. The retro versions of the familiar puppets look like shit but Cyclops and Dr. Death are decent looking. Makes you wonder why they didn't just make 5 or 6 brand new puppets for the movie instead of giving different versions.

The puppet effects in this movie have to be the worst of the series. None of it is as smooth as the first five movies. They just look clunky and terrible. The puppets are always the best part of the movie but the mummies end up stealing the show. They're really creepy and interesting. Pretty much the best part of the movie.

All in all this is another weak addition to the series. There is good stuff in here and it's not as bad as Curse of the Puppet Master but, fuck... no blood at all? This movie is rated PG-13 for fucks sake. I don't understand it. None of the Puppet Master movies are incredibly gory but fuck, give me something. This awful horror movie could have been better.

Puppet Checklist:
Leech Woman
Six Shooter

Retro Blade
Retro Pinhead
Retro Six Shooter
Drill Sergeant
Dr. Death

Puppet Master:
Andre Toulon

Kill Count:
Valentin (44:36) Killed by magic by a mummy.
Vigo (44:55) Killed by magic by a mummy.
Duval (45:58) Killed by magic by a mummy.
Latuor (46:50) Killed by magic by all three mummies.
Afzel (47:38) Commits suicide.
Man Behind Desk (1:03:58) Killed by magic by a mummy.

Horror Film: 5.5
Entertainment: 6.5
Suspense: 3.5
Overall Rating: 5.2