Friday, October 23, 2015

Cube (1997)

Starring: Maurice Dean Wint, Nicole deBoer, David Hewlett

Run time: 1:30:00
Quick Synopsis:  Six strangers find themselves trapped in a deadly maze.

Vincenzo Natali put on a clinic in low-budget filmmaking when he made this cult classic.  Cube checks all of the boxes that need to be filled when working with limited resources.  The plot is both original and interesting, the acting is good enough, and the film makes you think throughout.  Most importantly, Natali is able to make a small set feel like a limitless maze that plays the main foe during the film.  This foe helps to give solid insight into the human mind and how it works with adversity and anxieties.  There is a decent amount of tension built throughout and will help to keep the viewers attention with ease.  The effects are simple, but definitely work in this setting.  There are some points where the dialogue can either get corny or just plain bad, however, it never takes you out of the moment.  Additionally, if you care more about a few shitty phrases than the films ability to dissect how fear and paranoia affect the actions of the characters, you are a pretty worthless person.  Cube is a great low-budget awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: The film was shot on a single 14' by 14' set that is made to look like many "cubes" using different-colored panels.

Hidden Gem: All of the characters are named after prisons.

Total Kill Count:
Alderson- Julian Richings (3:00) Body Sliced into Sections Gore Rating: 7
Rennes- Wayne Robson (16:00) Acid to the Face Gore Rating: 8
Holloway- Nicky Guadagni (58:00) Dropped a Long Way Down Gore Rating: 1
Leaven- Nicole deBoer (1:22:00) Stabbed in the Back Gore Rating: 
Quentin- Maurice Dean Wint (1:24:00) Cut in Half Gore Rating: 5
Worth- David Hewlett (1:26:00) Stabbed in Stomach Gore Rating: 6

             Horror Film: 8
             Entertainment: 8
             Gore: 6
             Overall: 7.5

Bones (2001)

Starring: Khalil Kain, Bianca Lawson, and Pam Grier

Homicidal Maniac: Snoop Dogg as Jimmy Bones

Run time: 1:36:00
Quick Synopsis: Jimmy Bones has come back for revenge, 20 years after his murder.

No one went into Bones thinking they were going to get a good horror movie. As long as there were a few laughs and the plot did not bore me to death I was going to leave the movie feeling satisfied.  And guess what, I was actually more than satisfied.  Snoop's character is a complete joke of total silliness, but this was not a bad thing for the most part.  Additionally, most of the cast actually impressed me, especially the younger characters.  The movie is filled with both intentional and unintentional comedy that will keep you in a good enough mood to no complain about the shitty flaws in the second half of the plot.  There is definitely some substance to the first hour of the film so I will not completely trash the plot.  Unfortunate Bones starts to shit the bed, probably worse than any movie I have seen recently.  The effects are cheap, but I liked them for some reason.  I guess they had an old school feel to them. I am usually not a mark for that nostalgia shit though, so who knows what's up with me today.  Either way Bones is an entertainingly awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: The film was shot in Vancouver, not some ghetto in the United States.

Hidden Gem: Snoop Dogg is not a fan of kickers who miss field goals.

Total Kill Count:
Palmer- Kirby Morrow (5:00) Sucked into Jimmy Bones' house Gore Rating: 7
Jason- Josh Byer (5:00) Sucked into Jimmy Bones' house Gore Rating: 7
Jimmy Bones- Snoop Dogg (53:00) Shot and Stabbed Gore Rating: 6
Maurice- Sean Amsing (1:00:00) Mauled by Dog Gore Rating: 9
Shotgun- Ron Selmour (1:08:00) Throat Slit Gore Rating: 7
Stank- Deezer D (1:10:00) Cut Up by Bones Gore Rating: 6
Weaze- Garikayi Mutabirwa (1:10:00) Cut Up by Bones Gore Rating: 6
Snowflake- Erin Wright (1:14:00) Found in Trash Dead Gore Rating: 5
Eddie Mack- Ricky Harris (1:15:00) Stabbed/Decapitated Gore Rating: 8
Lupovich- Michael T. Weiss (1:17:00) Cut Up by Bones Gore Rating: 7
Jeremiah- Clifton Powell (1:23:00) Ripped Apart Gore Rating: 3
Bill- Merwin Mondesir (1:26:00) Ripped Apart Gore Rating: 7
Pearl- Pam Grier (1:29:00) Burned Alive Gore Rating: 3

             Horror Film: 4
             Entertainment: 8
             Gore: 6
             Overall: 5.5

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Annabelle (2014)

Starring: Annabelle Wallis, Ward Horton, and Alfre Woodard

Homicidal Maniac: A Demon Within a Doll

Run time: 1:39:00

Quick Synopsis: A new family is terrorized by a supernatural occurrences following a home invasion.

My biggest worry going into this film was that it was going to be a rushed money-grab attempting to make quick money off of the successful The Conjuring from a year earlier.  For the most part, that concern was warranted and the movie did nothing to change that opinion.  Annabelle does not feel as rushed as I thought it would be, however, there was not much of a story to rush.  The plot could best described as bland with very little risk or payoff in any form.  The films ending is mostly anticlimactic lacking any feeling of either tragedy or joy.  This is due to an inability to develop the characters (more specifically secondary characters) in the film.  It is hard to care about the sacrifices a character makes if we do not care about the actual character.  There is some level horror in many scenes, but there is just not enough to ever pull you into the story.  The acting is forgettable but in no way a major cog in the films problems.  The man who comes out looking the best after watching the movie is James Wan, director of The Conjuring.  It is insane how a film that looks so similar to another could feel so different.  Annabelle director John R. Leonetti is just not in the same class as Wan.  Annabelle is an unnecessary awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: The real Annabelle doll was actually a large Raggedy Ann doll.

Hidden Gem:  The baby mobile above the Gordon baby's crib plays the same tune as the music box in The Conjuring (2013).

Total Kill Count:
Sharon Higgins- Kerry O'Malley (16:00) Stabbed Offscreen Gore Rating: ---
Pete Higgins- Brian Howe (16:00) Stabbed Offscreen Gore Rating: ---
Annabelle's Boyfriend (17:00) Shot Gore Rating: 5
Annabelle Higgins (18:00) Slits own Throat Gore Rating: 8
Evelyn- Alfre Woodard (1:31:00) Jumped Out Window Gore Rating: 6

             Horror Film: 5
             Entertainment: 4
             Gore: 5
             Overall: 4.75

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

5 Creepiest Scenes in Children's Films

Have you ever been disturbed by a movie when you were little? Of course you have. Stumbling across your parents watching The Exorcist or something sickening. But what about movies that were made for kids? What if one of those movies could disturb you to your core and give you nightmares?

Be sure to subscribe to The X-Loads!!!

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Land of the Dead (2005)

Starring: Simon Baker, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper

Run time: 1:36

Rant: 20 years have passed since Day of the Dead. I guess it's time for another zombie movie directed by the master himself. This time the effects are done by Greg Nicotero who is pretty damn incredible. Not only has he done The Walking Dead, From Dusk Till Dawn, Scream and plenty of other scary movies but he's done a ton of non-horror as well like Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2, Unbreakable, Boogie Nights and many many more. And of course he's from Pittsburgh. Why wouldn't he be?

This movie has such an interesting cast. Simon Baker (The Mentalist), John Leguizamo (Casualties of War, Carlito's Way, Spawn), Asia Argento (xXx, daughter of legendary director Dario Argento) and Dennis Hopper. There's some cameos too from Tom Savini, Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright. Phil Fondacaro even makes an appearance. For the most part everyone does a good job.

There's a lot going on in this one. Most of the survivors are hauled up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, surrounded by the rivers. Dennis Hopper plays a characters named Kaufman who is pretty much in charge of the city. He's hides in a high rise called Fiddler's Green. Leguizamo's character Cholo wants to movie into Fiddler's Green but Kaufman won't let him. So Cholo and his crew steal this giant tank called Dead Reckoning and escape. Kaufman hires the main protagonist Riley, played by Simon Baker, to find Cholo and retrieve Dead Reckoning. While all this shit is going on there's an intelligent zombie named Big Daddy who is leading a bunch of other zombies into the city.

The gore is excellent as you'd expect and the characters are fine. Obviously he's gonna try to throw his point of view in there but the evil rich guy vs. the nice poor fellow is just cliche as fuck at this point. Also the music is pretty boring.

I'm being pretty harsh but this movie isn't that bad at all. I'd consider it good. There's a lot of interesting ideas in there it's just compared to the first three movies in the series Land of the Dead falls short. For anyone else this is a good awful horror movie. For George Romero this is a mediocre awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: As I said before Tom Savini makes a cameo as a zombie dressed very similarly to his biker character in Dawn of the Dead.

Total Kill Count: 
Mike (14:47) Shoots himself in the mouth.
Chihuahua (29:39) Shot in the head.
Soldier (39:55) Eaten by zombies.
Manolete (54:13) Shot in the head after being bitten.
Mouse (58:57) Eaten by zombies.
Kissing Woman (1:02:59) Taken by zombies.
Kissing Woman (1:02:59) Taken by zombies.
Soldier (1:05:53) Head ripped off by a zombie.
Soldier (1:06:23) Shot by zombies.
Soldier (1:06:35) Hand cut off and blown up by grenade.
Motown (1:08:20) Shot in the head.
Sutherland (1:09:04) Shot by Kaufman.
Random guy (1:11:12) Cut in half by Tom Savini
Random guy (1:13:49) Throat eaten by zombie.
Random guy (1:14:01) Face ripped off by zombie.
Random guy (1:14:04) Entrails ripped out by zombies.
Random guy (1:14:31) Set on fire and shot by Big Daddy.
Random guy (1:17:49) Eaten by zombie.
Random lady (1:17:57) Eaten by zombie.

Kaufman and Zombie Cholo (1:27:44) Blown up by Big Daddy.

             Horror Film: 7
             Entertainment: 6
             Gore: 9
             Overall: 7.2

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Day of the Dead (1985)

Director: George A. Romero

Starring: Lori Cardille, Terry Alexander, Joseph Pilato

Run time: 1:40

Rant: The year is 1985. We've gone from a shitty little house to a shopping mall to an underground bunker. The setting is different, the characters are different, the decade is different but zombies still walk the earth and George Romero and Tom Savini still don't give a fuck. Savini tears it up in this motherfucker. It could be his best work. I think he watched the Italian zombie movies and tried to show them who the real badass special effects artist was. Either that or he just reached his prime. Either way, Day of the Dead in a serious artistic achievement.

So a bunch of soldiers are hauled up in a bunker with a scientist and some other people. The scientist is studying the zombies and trying to train them like dogs. Richard Liberty plays Logan or "Doctor Frankenstein" to the soldiers, and he does a fantastic job. All the performances are great. As always there's the hateable fuck you want to die. This time it's a military Captain named Rhodes played by Joe Pilato. What a bastard. I'd say the shining performance is Sherman Howard as Bub. Bub is a zombie who the doctor has been working with. Who would have thought.

Just like in Dawn of the Dead the action sequences are incredible. I would love to see a movie like The Terminator or Robocop directed by Romero. The music is excellent as well. It's done by John Harrison who also did the music for Creepshow (1982) and Effects (1980) which is another Tom Savini movie. It reminds me of a John Carpenter score.

I think it's pretty much the consensus that Dawn of the Dead is George Romero's best zombie movie. With that being said I think Day of the Dead is just as good, if not better. All it's missing is an element of fun. This is an incredibly serious movie that even plays into that whole 80s/Reagan/soldiers are evil/Platoon/Casualties of War bullshit. Day of the Dead is a masterpiece of an awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: Greg Nicotero plays the soldier named Johnson who's shot and killed in the movie. He was Tom Savini's protege and did the effects for The Walking Dead. Tom Savini has stated The Walking Dead has the best zombies he's ever seen.

Total Kill Count:
Miller (58:26) Neck bit open by a zombie.
Johnson (58:27) Shot with a machine gun.
Logan (1:12:12) Shot to death by Rhodes.
Fisher (1:14:44) Shot in the head by Rhodes.
Miguel (1:23:37) Eaten alive by a horde of zombies.
Torrez (1:27:04) Head ripped off by zombies.
Rickles (1:28:05) Face ripped off by zombies.
Steel (1:30:28) Shoots himself.

Rhodes (1:34:13) Shot by Bub and ripped in half by zombies.

             Horror Film: 8
             Entertainment: 9
             Gore: 9.5
             Overall: 8.6

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Director: George Romero

Starring: David Emge, Ken Foree, Scott H. Reininger

Run time: 2:19

Rant: The year is now 1978. Ten years have passed since the release of the classic Night of the Living Dead. In those ten years George Romero directs a romantic comedy, a witchcraft movie, a virus movie (The Crazies, remade in 2010) and a movie about a vampire called Martin. In Martin, Romero teams up with long-time collaborator and fellow Pittsburgher Tom Savini for the very first time. At this point in time, Savini had only done two movies: Deathdream (1972) and Deranged: The Confessions of a Necrophile (1974), both directed by Bob Clark. Martin was he and Romero's first collaboration, but it would be Dawn of the Dead that would make Tom Savini a special effects superstar.

Night of the Living Dead was supposed to be a nice little horror film that was only intended to scare the viewer. When it was shown it was interpreted in many ways. Romero realized this and really went for it in Dawn of the Dead. This time his point of view really smacks you in the face. Those scenes are great. Watching these idiot zombies walk around a mall almost identical to the way you see living idiots walk around a mall. It's perfect.

There's an enormous sense of of fun throughout this movie. You can see why there are so many video games about killing zombies. There are four main characters. Stephen and Francine work for a television station while Peter and Roger are SWAT team members. The four escape their respective surroundings and take a helicopter to the roof of a shopping mall. They block all the entrances and kill all the zombies inside, getting the entire mall to themselves. They figure they'll stay there a while until it's time to leave but one of the SWAT guys gets bitten and a bunch of rowdy bikers come and fucking everything up.

The character progression is incredible. Roger seems like a genuinely nice guy and ends up losing his mind. Francine goes from a scared, innocent woman to an agitated bitch. Stephen seems like a really naive idiot who you don't like at all but eventually come to like and Peter mostly stays a cool, level headed leader. 

What surprised me the most with Dawn of the Dead is the action sequences involving the SWAT team. It's only at the beginning of the movie but it's done incredibly well. Obviously the effects are fantastic. The real gory gore doesn't happen until the last half hour of the movie. These people are absolutely shredded. Up until then its mostly dudes and zombies being shot. Night of the Living Dead started the zombie genre but Dawn of the Dead perfected it. This is an essential awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: Tom Savini intended for the zombie's skin to be grey, because Night of the Living Dead was in black and white and he wasn't sure what color a zombie's skin would be. After seeing the movie he didn't like it because on film some of them looked blue.

Total Kill Count:
Rod (7:31) Shot in the head.
Bad Guy (7:48) Shot in the chest.
Bad Guy (7:58) Shot in the chest.
Bad Guy (8:01) Shot in the chest.
Bad Guy (8:20) Shot in the chest.
Wooley (9:41) Shot in the back.
Random Lady (11:35) Bit by zombie.
Swat Guy (11:53) Shoots himself in the head off-camera.
Roger (1:39:46) Dies of previous zombie bites.
Savini the Motorcycle Raider (2:04:58) Shot off of a balcony.
Motorcycle Raider (2:05:23) Shot off of a motorcycle.
Motorcycle Raider (2:06:09) Eaten by zombies.
Motorcycle Raider (2:06:15) Eaten by zombies.
Motorcycle Raider (2:06:22) Eaten by zombies.

Stephen (2:07:54) Eaten by zombies.

             Horror Film: 8
             Entertainment: 9.5
             Gore: 9
             Overall: 8.6

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Director: George A. Romero

Starring: Duane Jones, Judith O'Dea, Karl Harman

Run time: 1:36

Rant: Here it is. The black and white, low-budget classic that not only started George Romero's legendary "Dead" series of movies but created the zombie genre we know and love today. If you've ever purchased a 20 or 50 HORROR MOVIE collection or anything like that, this is usually the only good flick of the bunch. Another thing this movie is famous for is having a black man play the lead role, as it was uncommon in the 60s.  Also a really depressing ending that was interpreted as a social commentary. Romero has stated the ending was in the original script before anyone was cast, saying it was simply a case of "mistaken identity." The movie took on a life of it's own, not only as an important awful horror movie but an important movie in film history.

But fuck all that bullshit. Does this son of a bitch hold up? Yes and no. Of course you have to look at it through an eye of the times and realize this is a legendary director's first movie. That being said, some things are inexcusable. Judith O'Dea plays Barbara. She's fucking garbage. Nothing gave me more pleasure than seeing Ben punch that white bitch in the face. With the exception of her I'd say the acting is solid overall. Karl Hardman does a great job playing the annoying fuck Harry, and Duane Jones is terrific as the hero Ben. As great as they are their fight scene is horrendous.

What I love about Night of the Living Dead is there's no fucking around. 5 minutes into the movie shit goes crazy and you're not even given a chance to know what the fuck is going on. Why are the dead rising? Why must they feast on human flesh?! Who gives a shit? You don't ask these questions. It all happens so fast you don't give a fuck. This movie is about survival and how these characters interact with each other during a crisis. That blended with a simple but excellent story makes for great horror. Night of the Living Dead is no doubt a classic and one of the most important awful horror movies of all time.

Terrible Lines: "Stop it! You're ignorant!"

Total Kill Count:
Johnny (7:10) Hits his head on a tombstone.
Tom and Judy (1:11:58) Blown up in a car.
Harry Cooper (1:23:13) Shot by Ben.
Helen Cooper (1:25:08) Stabbed to death with a trowel.
Barbara (1:26:09) Killed by zombies off-screen.

Ben (1:33:36) Shot in the head.

             Horror Film: 8
             Entertainment: 8
             Gore: 6
             Overall: 7.5

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Director: Yoshihiro Nishimaru

Starring: Eihi Shiina, Itsuji Itao, Yukihide Benny

Run time: 1:48 

Rant: Before anything, I would like to say this movie has the greatest opening scene in the history of cinema. I will not tell you what it is, you just have to see it for yourself. Incredible. Tokyo Gore Police is widely considered to be up there with Dead Alive, Ichi the Killer and A Cat in the Brain as one of the goriest movies of all time. Is what they say true? Of fucking course. This doesn't just hold it's own against those movies. It may just blow them out of the water. How Ricki-Oh: The Story of Ricky blends gore with martial arts, this movie does the same with gore and action.

Okay, so in the future there's these lunatics called Engineers. When an Engineer is cut or one of their limbs are severed, a weapon will grow out of the wound. Ruka is an Engineer Hunter. She's fucking brutal. Everyone in this goddamn movie is brutal. You can't just kill an Engineer. You have to fucking butcher them. Cut their insides out. Tear their brains apart. It's fucking gross. Remember in Last House on the Left when the lady bites the guy's dick off? Imagine they showed it...

The story is sort of awful. There's twists and turns but it really doesn't matter. Most of the effects are good but some of them seemed rushed. If you're a gore fan you'll have a ton of fun with this movie. It isn't strictly horror, mostly Action/Sci-Fi, almost like the retarded nephew of Blade Runner. It even reminds me a little bit of Robocop, with it's silly fake commercials they play through-out. This could possibly be the goriest awful horror movie of all time.

Fun Fact: The main character of the film Ruka is played by Eihi Shiina. Japanese horror fan sickos will recognize her from Takashi Miike's classic Audition.

             Horror Film: 6
             Entertainment: 9
             Gore: 10
             Overall: 7.7

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Magic (1978)

Director: Richard Attenborough

Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Ann-Margaret, Burgess Meredith

Run time: 1:47

Rant: In the spirit of Jurrassic World I might as well review a Richard Attenborough flick. Honestly I just wanted to watch this movie. Dolls, toys, puppets and dummies. A lot of those kinds of movies are shit but others are some of my favorite awful horror movies.

Corky, played by Anthony Hopkins, is a magician trying to make it big. He's doesn't find any success until he starts using a dummy named Fats. Eventually he goes on Johnny Carson and all sorts of shows like that, and NBC offers him a pilot. Corky goes into hiding, saying he's afraid of success but in reality it's because he believes he'll fail the required medical exam. Shortly after we learn why.

Anthony Hopkins is fucking great in this movie. At first Corky seems cooky but innocent. Strange but very likable. About 40 minutes in he gets creepy. At the hour mark he straight-up murders a motherfucker. Burgess Meredith plays Corky's manager. There's an excellent scene where he challenges Fats not to talk for five minutes and Corky can't even last three.

This is a great movie. It takes it's time, and it's not incredibly violent or gory but it's extremely weird and very suspenseful. The performances are all fantastic and Fats the dummy is creepy. Honestly, all dummies are creepy. "Magic" is an underrated awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: William Goldman wrote the novel and the screenplay for this movie. Some of his other credits are:
Marathon Man (1976) Novel, Screenplay
The Princess Bride (1987) Novel, Screenplay
Misery (1990) Screenplay

Total Kill Count: 2
Ben Greene (1:03:56) Drowned.

Duke (1:23:53) Stabbed to death.

             Horror Film: 7
             Entertainment: 7.5
             Suspense: 8.5
             Overall: 7.5

Monday, March 16, 2015

P2 (2007)

Starring: Rachel Nichols, Philip Akin, and Simon Reynolds

Homicidal Maniac: Wes Bentley as Thomas

Run time: 1:38:00

Quick Synopsis: A woman locked in a parking garage is stalked by a psychopath.

This is pretty straight forward "woman locked in where every the hell alone" movie.   There are no twists or tricks (the antogonist is revealed early in the film) and everything happens as you would expect.  What makes this one stick out is the over-the-top manner in which the movie was made.  This starts with the gore, which is borderline silly during a broken nail scene and many of the kills, including the death of dog (Aja gets off on killing animals I think) that appears to come back to life Michael Myers style for a minute.   Nothing in this film epitomizes over-the-top more than Wes Bentley, who definitely steals the show.  I am definitely not say they he is Christian Bale (at all), but I saw a lot of Patrick Bateman in Bentley's character.  He definitely helps the audience get through the film entertained.  Rachel Nichols does not do too bad either.  That is really important in a movie like this.  If the two leads in a movie like this are awful, a movie like this will always be awful.  If the leads are decent, they will be able to cover up some of the movies warts.  Given this fact, P2 is a decent awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: The movie was filmed over a two month period at a working Toronto parking garage.  Scenes were only shot at night.

Hidden Gem: Wes Bentley stated in an interview that the only reason he took the role in this film to have enough money to support his cocaine addiction.

Total Kill Count:
Jim- Simon Reynolds (46:00) Hit with a car multiple times Gore Rating: 9
Karl- Philip Akin (1:00:00) Found Dead/Struck in Head Gore Rating: 3
Thomas- Wes Bentley (1:32:00) Caught on Fire Gore Rating: 2

             Horror Film: 6
             Entertainment: 6
             Suspense: 4
             Overall: 5.5

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Chain Letter (2009)

Starring: Nikki Reed, Michael J. Pagan, and Keith David

Homicidal Maniac: Michael Bailey Smith as Chain Man

Run time: 1:36:00

Quick Synopsis:  A group of teens are terrorized by a maniac because they refused to keep a chain letter going.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Lurking Fear (1994)

Director: C. Courtney Joyner

Starring: Jon Finch, Blake Adams, Ashley Laurence

Run Time: 1:17

Rant: Written and directed by C. Courtney Joyner, Full Moon fans will recognize him as the writer of Puppet Master III, Doctor Mordrid and Trancers III (which he also directed). This movie is based on an H.P. Lovecraft story entitled "The Lurking Fear" which is pretty different than the film.

The main story is set at a church where some people are going to kill these monsters. There's money buried in a grave so some criminals come and fuck up everyone's plans. Eventually the monsters attack and try to drag people underground to their lair.

This movie is decent but it could have been better. The performances are alright. Ashley Laurence (Hellraiser) and Jeffery Combs (Re-Animator) are in this so it has that going for it. The effects of the monsters are fantastic but the explosions are some of the worst. For a movie that's only a little over an hour long there's a lot going on but you're never confused. It's based on H.P. Lovecraft and stars Jeffery Combs so naturally you'd want to see Stuart Gordon direct it but he obviously doesn't. Disappointing. This is a slightly below average awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: Vincent Shiavelli plays Knaggs in this movie. He's been in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Amadeus and Batman Returns.

Horror Film: 5
Entertainment: 6
Gore: 4

Overall Rating: 5.0

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Nature of the Beast (1995)

Starring: Eric Roberts, Lance Henriksen, and Brion James

Run time: 1:31:00

Quick Synopsis: Two men travel through a highway while the cops search for a murderer and a thief.

I am pretty sure there are two types of people when it comes to this movie.  Either you enjoyed the movie or you never heard of it in your entire life.  Kinda similar to how people feel about the film's star Lance Henriksen.  The movie also stars Eric Roberts and together they control the show and create a memorable story.  It is one of the rare horror-(ish) films that are both a good ride and a strong payoff.  Most will love the movies twist, others will discover it early but they won't be insulted by it.  Salva attempted to trick the audience a little too much in my opinion.  Sometimes creating scenarios that seem a little illogical later in the film.  Nothing that cannot be explained with decent arguments, however, they still exist.  I think it is important to reiterate how good the two leads were in the film because without them some of the films minor flaws would have stuck out a little bit more.  Mr. Salva must have a hard on for highway killers, he also directed the Jeepers Creepers films.  This film has a much darker tone to it that makes it stand out from those films that followed it.  Nature of the Beast is an underpublicized awful horror movie.
Fun Fact: While the film is set in Nevada, it was actually shot in Southern California.  California Freeway 14 was on of the highways used.

Hidden Gem:  Director Victor Salva plays a customer at the start of the movie.

Total Kill Count:
Car Owner (2:00) Killed in Car with Hatchet Gore Rating: 1
Patsy- Eliza Roberts (22:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 2
Gerald- Sasha Jenson (1:01:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
Dahlia- Ana Gabriel (1:01:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
Adrian- Eric Roberts (1:25:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
             Horror Film: 7
             Entertainment: 8
             Suspense: 6
             Overall: 7.0

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

No Tell Motel (2012)

Starring: Chalie Howes, Johnny Hawkes, and Andrew McFarlane

Homicidal Maniac: Ghosts and Heath Whitelock as Matthew Hogan

Run time: 1:24:00

Quick Synopsis:  Five friends find themselves stranded at a haunted motel.


This is going to be a relatively short review since there is not much to see here. Below average acting, awful acting and terrible execution is the simplest way to describe the movie. The attempted story is a bit cliched but not horrendous, however, the flaws mentioned above are enough to make the movie nearly unwatchable. I will give them some credit for not doing too many of the "ghost movie scenes" that many of these recent awful movies love to do all the time. They tried to spice things up and steal shit from movies that are a little older. I'm happy that I didn't enjoy the movies build-up or climax, though. Since the films final scene is absolutely horrendous and goes against the character's apparent personality throughout the film. I can see how some dummy could think that the scene would go over well, but they did not think it through since they are a dummy. The character probably deserved his fate but you can't let it go down that way or let the main protagonist seal her fate the way she did. No Tell Motel is a throw-away awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: This was Brett Donowho's directorial debut.  Three years later we still Dononwho (see what I did) this guy is.

Hidden Gem: Who doesn't want to take a pregnancy test in abandoned, dark-ass, dirty motel?
Total Kill Count: 8
Angela- Rileigh Chalmers (2:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 3
Rachel- Chelsey Reist (18:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 5
Corey- Angel McCord (32:00) Head Smashes off Metal Box Gore Rating: 5
Kyle- Andrew McFarlane (56:00) Overdose Gore Rating: 2
Grigor- James Tyce (1:06:00) Throat Stabbed Gore Rating: 6
Mary- Stephanie Van Dyck (1:10:00) Bleeds Out Gore Rating: 3
Matthew- Heath Whitelock (1:17:00) Stabbed in Stomach Gore Rating: 5
Megan- Chalie Howes (1:20:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 1

             Horror Film: 4
             Entertainment: 3
             Gore: 4
             Overall: 3.75