Monday, March 16, 2015

P2 (2007)

Starring: Rachel Nichols, Philip Akin, and Simon Reynolds

Homicidal Maniac: Wes Bentley as Thomas

Run time: 1:38:00

Quick Synopsis: A woman locked in a parking garage is stalked by a psychopath.

This is pretty straight forward "woman locked in where every the hell alone" movie.   There are no twists or tricks (the antogonist is revealed early in the film) and everything happens as you would expect.  What makes this one stick out is the over-the-top manner in which the movie was made.  This starts with the gore, which is borderline silly during a broken nail scene and many of the kills, including the death of dog (Aja gets off on killing animals I think) that appears to come back to life Michael Myers style for a minute.   Nothing in this film epitomizes over-the-top more than Wes Bentley, who definitely steals the show.  I am definitely not say they he is Christian Bale (at all), but I saw a lot of Patrick Bateman in Bentley's character.  He definitely helps the audience get through the film entertained.  Rachel Nichols does not do too bad either.  That is really important in a movie like this.  If the two leads in a movie like this are awful, a movie like this will always be awful.  If the leads are decent, they will be able to cover up some of the movies warts.  Given this fact, P2 is a decent awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: The movie was filmed over a two month period at a working Toronto parking garage.  Scenes were only shot at night.

Hidden Gem: Wes Bentley stated in an interview that the only reason he took the role in this film to have enough money to support his cocaine addiction.

Total Kill Count:
Jim- Simon Reynolds (46:00) Hit with a car multiple times Gore Rating: 9
Karl- Philip Akin (1:00:00) Found Dead/Struck in Head Gore Rating: 3
Thomas- Wes Bentley (1:32:00) Caught on Fire Gore Rating: 2

             Horror Film: 6
             Entertainment: 6
             Suspense: 4
             Overall: 5.5

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Chain Letter (2009)

Starring: Nikki Reed, Michael J. Pagan, and Keith David

Homicidal Maniac: Michael Bailey Smith as Chain Man

Run time: 1:36:00

Quick Synopsis:  A group of teens are terrorized by a maniac because they refused to keep a chain letter going.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Lurking Fear (1994)

Director: C. Courtney Joyner

Starring: Jon Finch, Blake Adams, Ashley Laurence

Run Time: 1:17

Rant: Written and directed by C. Courtney Joyner, Full Moon fans will recognize him as the writer of Puppet Master III, Doctor Mordrid and Trancers III (which he also directed). This movie is based on an H.P. Lovecraft story entitled "The Lurking Fear" which is pretty different than the film.

The main story is set at a church where some people are going to kill these monsters. There's money buried in a grave so some criminals come and fuck up everyone's plans. Eventually the monsters attack and try to drag people underground to their lair.

This movie is decent but it could have been better. The performances are alright. Ashley Laurence (Hellraiser) and Jeffery Combs (Re-Animator) are in this so it has that going for it. The effects of the monsters are fantastic but the explosions are some of the worst. For a movie that's only a little over an hour long there's a lot going on but you're never confused. It's based on H.P. Lovecraft and stars Jeffery Combs so naturally you'd want to see Stuart Gordon direct it but he obviously doesn't. Disappointing. This is a slightly below average awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: Vincent Shiavelli plays Knaggs in this movie. He's been in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Amadeus and Batman Returns.

Horror Film: 5
Entertainment: 6
Gore: 4

Overall Rating: 5.0

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Nature of the Beast (1995)

Starring: Eric Roberts, Lance Henriksen, and Brion James

Run time: 1:31:00

Quick Synopsis: Two men travel through a highway while the cops search for a murderer and a thief.

I am pretty sure there are two types of people when it comes to this movie.  Either you enjoyed the movie or you never heard of it in your entire life.  Kinda similar to how people feel about the film's star Lance Henriksen.  The movie also stars Eric Roberts and together they control the show and create a memorable story.  It is one of the rare horror-(ish) films that are both a good ride and a strong payoff.  Most will love the movies twist, others will discover it early but they won't be insulted by it.  Salva attempted to trick the audience a little too much in my opinion.  Sometimes creating scenarios that seem a little illogical later in the film.  Nothing that cannot be explained with decent arguments, however, they still exist.  I think it is important to reiterate how good the two leads were in the film because without them some of the films minor flaws would have stuck out a little bit more.  Mr. Salva must have a hard on for highway killers, he also directed the Jeepers Creepers films.  This film has a much darker tone to it that makes it stand out from those films that followed it.  Nature of the Beast is an underpublicized awful horror movie.
Fun Fact: While the film is set in Nevada, it was actually shot in Southern California.  California Freeway 14 was on of the highways used.

Hidden Gem:  Director Victor Salva plays a customer at the start of the movie.

Total Kill Count:
Car Owner (2:00) Killed in Car with Hatchet Gore Rating: 1
Patsy- Eliza Roberts (22:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 2
Gerald- Sasha Jenson (1:01:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
Dahlia- Ana Gabriel (1:01:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
Adrian- Eric Roberts (1:25:00) Hatchet/Offscreen Gore Rating: 1
             Horror Film: 7
             Entertainment: 8
             Suspense: 6
             Overall: 7.0

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

No Tell Motel (2012)

Starring: Chalie Howes, Johnny Hawkes, and Andrew McFarlane

Homicidal Maniac: Ghosts and Heath Whitelock as Matthew Hogan

Run time: 1:24:00

Quick Synopsis:  Five friends find themselves stranded at a haunted motel.


This is going to be a relatively short review since there is not much to see here. Below average acting, awful acting and terrible execution is the simplest way to describe the movie. The attempted story is a bit cliched but not horrendous, however, the flaws mentioned above are enough to make the movie nearly unwatchable. I will give them some credit for not doing too many of the "ghost movie scenes" that many of these recent awful movies love to do all the time. They tried to spice things up and steal shit from movies that are a little older. I'm happy that I didn't enjoy the movies build-up or climax, though. Since the films final scene is absolutely horrendous and goes against the character's apparent personality throughout the film. I can see how some dummy could think that the scene would go over well, but they did not think it through since they are a dummy. The character probably deserved his fate but you can't let it go down that way or let the main protagonist seal her fate the way she did. No Tell Motel is a throw-away awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: This was Brett Donowho's directorial debut.  Three years later we still Dononwho (see what I did) this guy is.

Hidden Gem: Who doesn't want to take a pregnancy test in abandoned, dark-ass, dirty motel?
Total Kill Count: 8
Angela- Rileigh Chalmers (2:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 3
Rachel- Chelsey Reist (18:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 5
Corey- Angel McCord (32:00) Head Smashes off Metal Box Gore Rating: 5
Kyle- Andrew McFarlane (56:00) Overdose Gore Rating: 2
Grigor- James Tyce (1:06:00) Throat Stabbed Gore Rating: 6
Mary- Stephanie Van Dyck (1:10:00) Bleeds Out Gore Rating: 3
Matthew- Heath Whitelock (1:17:00) Stabbed in Stomach Gore Rating: 5
Megan- Chalie Howes (1:20:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 1

             Horror Film: 4
             Entertainment: 3
             Gore: 4
             Overall: 3.75