Tuesday, March 3, 2015

No Tell Motel (2012)

Starring: Chalie Howes, Johnny Hawkes, and Andrew McFarlane

Homicidal Maniac: Ghosts and Heath Whitelock as Matthew Hogan

Run time: 1:24:00

Quick Synopsis:  Five friends find themselves stranded at a haunted motel.


This is going to be a relatively short review since there is not much to see here. Below average acting, awful acting and terrible execution is the simplest way to describe the movie. The attempted story is a bit cliched but not horrendous, however, the flaws mentioned above are enough to make the movie nearly unwatchable. I will give them some credit for not doing too many of the "ghost movie scenes" that many of these recent awful movies love to do all the time. They tried to spice things up and steal shit from movies that are a little older. I'm happy that I didn't enjoy the movies build-up or climax, though. Since the films final scene is absolutely horrendous and goes against the character's apparent personality throughout the film. I can see how some dummy could think that the scene would go over well, but they did not think it through since they are a dummy. The character probably deserved his fate but you can't let it go down that way or let the main protagonist seal her fate the way she did. No Tell Motel is a throw-away awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: This was Brett Donowho's directorial debut.  Three years later we still Dononwho (see what I did) this guy is.

Hidden Gem: Who doesn't want to take a pregnancy test in abandoned, dark-ass, dirty motel?
Total Kill Count: 8
Angela- Rileigh Chalmers (2:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 3
Rachel- Chelsey Reist (18:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 5
Corey- Angel McCord (32:00) Head Smashes off Metal Box Gore Rating: 5
Kyle- Andrew McFarlane (56:00) Overdose Gore Rating: 2
Grigor- James Tyce (1:06:00) Throat Stabbed Gore Rating: 6
Mary- Stephanie Van Dyck (1:10:00) Bleeds Out Gore Rating: 3
Matthew- Heath Whitelock (1:17:00) Stabbed in Stomach Gore Rating: 5
Megan- Chalie Howes (1:20:00) Hit by Truck Gore Rating: 1

             Horror Film: 4
             Entertainment: 3
             Gore: 4
             Overall: 3.75