Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Director: Yoshihiro Nishimaru

Starring: Eihi Shiina, Itsuji Itao, Yukihide Benny

Run time: 1:48 

Rant: Before anything, I would like to say this movie has the greatest opening scene in the history of cinema. I will not tell you what it is, you just have to see it for yourself. Incredible. Tokyo Gore Police is widely considered to be up there with Dead Alive, Ichi the Killer and A Cat in the Brain as one of the goriest movies of all time. Is what they say true? Of fucking course. This doesn't just hold it's own against those movies. It may just blow them out of the water. How Ricki-Oh: The Story of Ricky blends gore with martial arts, this movie does the same with gore and action.

Okay, so in the future there's these lunatics called Engineers. When an Engineer is cut or one of their limbs are severed, a weapon will grow out of the wound. Ruka is an Engineer Hunter. She's fucking brutal. Everyone in this goddamn movie is brutal. You can't just kill an Engineer. You have to fucking butcher them. Cut their insides out. Tear their brains apart. It's fucking gross. Remember in Last House on the Left when the lady bites the guy's dick off? Imagine they showed it...

The story is sort of awful. There's twists and turns but it really doesn't matter. Most of the effects are good but some of them seemed rushed. If you're a gore fan you'll have a ton of fun with this movie. It isn't strictly horror, mostly Action/Sci-Fi, almost like the retarded nephew of Blade Runner. It even reminds me a little bit of Robocop, with it's silly fake commercials they play through-out. This could possibly be the goriest awful horror movie of all time.

Fun Fact: The main character of the film Ruka is played by Eihi Shiina. Japanese horror fan sickos will recognize her from Takashi Miike's classic Audition.

             Horror Film: 6
             Entertainment: 9
             Gore: 10
             Overall: 7.7

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Magic (1978)

Director: Richard Attenborough

Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Ann-Margaret, Burgess Meredith

Run time: 1:47

Rant: In the spirit of Jurrassic World I might as well review a Richard Attenborough flick. Honestly I just wanted to watch this movie. Dolls, toys, puppets and dummies. A lot of those kinds of movies are shit but others are some of my favorite awful horror movies.

Corky, played by Anthony Hopkins, is a magician trying to make it big. He's doesn't find any success until he starts using a dummy named Fats. Eventually he goes on Johnny Carson and all sorts of shows like that, and NBC offers him a pilot. Corky goes into hiding, saying he's afraid of success but in reality it's because he believes he'll fail the required medical exam. Shortly after we learn why.

Anthony Hopkins is fucking great in this movie. At first Corky seems cooky but innocent. Strange but very likable. About 40 minutes in he gets creepy. At the hour mark he straight-up murders a motherfucker. Burgess Meredith plays Corky's manager. There's an excellent scene where he challenges Fats not to talk for five minutes and Corky can't even last three.

This is a great movie. It takes it's time, and it's not incredibly violent or gory but it's extremely weird and very suspenseful. The performances are all fantastic and Fats the dummy is creepy. Honestly, all dummies are creepy. "Magic" is an underrated awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: William Goldman wrote the novel and the screenplay for this movie. Some of his other credits are:
Marathon Man (1976) Novel, Screenplay
The Princess Bride (1987) Novel, Screenplay
Misery (1990) Screenplay

Total Kill Count: 2
Ben Greene (1:03:56) Drowned.

Duke (1:23:53) Stabbed to death.

             Horror Film: 7
             Entertainment: 7.5
             Suspense: 8.5
             Overall: 7.5