Friday, October 23, 2015

Bones (2001)

Starring: Khalil Kain, Bianca Lawson, and Pam Grier

Homicidal Maniac: Snoop Dogg as Jimmy Bones

Run time: 1:36:00
Quick Synopsis: Jimmy Bones has come back for revenge, 20 years after his murder.

No one went into Bones thinking they were going to get a good horror movie. As long as there were a few laughs and the plot did not bore me to death I was going to leave the movie feeling satisfied.  And guess what, I was actually more than satisfied.  Snoop's character is a complete joke of total silliness, but this was not a bad thing for the most part.  Additionally, most of the cast actually impressed me, especially the younger characters.  The movie is filled with both intentional and unintentional comedy that will keep you in a good enough mood to no complain about the shitty flaws in the second half of the plot.  There is definitely some substance to the first hour of the film so I will not completely trash the plot.  Unfortunate Bones starts to shit the bed, probably worse than any movie I have seen recently.  The effects are cheap, but I liked them for some reason.  I guess they had an old school feel to them. I am usually not a mark for that nostalgia shit though, so who knows what's up with me today.  Either way Bones is an entertainingly awful horror movie.

Fun Fact: The film was shot in Vancouver, not some ghetto in the United States.

Hidden Gem: Snoop Dogg is not a fan of kickers who miss field goals.

Total Kill Count:
Palmer- Kirby Morrow (5:00) Sucked into Jimmy Bones' house Gore Rating: 7
Jason- Josh Byer (5:00) Sucked into Jimmy Bones' house Gore Rating: 7
Jimmy Bones- Snoop Dogg (53:00) Shot and Stabbed Gore Rating: 6
Maurice- Sean Amsing (1:00:00) Mauled by Dog Gore Rating: 9
Shotgun- Ron Selmour (1:08:00) Throat Slit Gore Rating: 7
Stank- Deezer D (1:10:00) Cut Up by Bones Gore Rating: 6
Weaze- Garikayi Mutabirwa (1:10:00) Cut Up by Bones Gore Rating: 6
Snowflake- Erin Wright (1:14:00) Found in Trash Dead Gore Rating: 5
Eddie Mack- Ricky Harris (1:15:00) Stabbed/Decapitated Gore Rating: 8
Lupovich- Michael T. Weiss (1:17:00) Cut Up by Bones Gore Rating: 7
Jeremiah- Clifton Powell (1:23:00) Ripped Apart Gore Rating: 3
Bill- Merwin Mondesir (1:26:00) Ripped Apart Gore Rating: 7
Pearl- Pam Grier (1:29:00) Burned Alive Gore Rating: 3

             Horror Film: 4
             Entertainment: 8
             Gore: 6
             Overall: 5.5